Oh what tomorrow will bring?

AA- Something I thought would never be in my list of acronyms. I guess I should be proud of this step I am taking but I am terrified. I am meeting with this woman, about my age, who has been a recovering alcoholic for a year now and she sounds like she can truly relate to the self destruction of alcohol I have struggled with my whole adult life (off and on).

I can do this.

All day I thought about the fact that I can’t go home and drink…drink…oh yeah, and have a damn drink. One of the people I work with was talking about margaritas and my mouth literally starting salivating-like it is now. I had to walk away from the conversation.

It sucked.

I feel like I am losing a “companion”, a “friend”, a SUBSTANCE that helped me forget about being sexually abused at a young age. Forget about the abusive men I have chosen. The mother that knew and did nothing. The times I spent in mental institutions trying to cope with the nightmare of the first 20 years of my life: HELL. How do I do it now? I abused opiates and pot along with drinking for many many years. Sadly, I have now brought that hell of drinking into my life. I don’t smoke pot or take opiates but the drinking has never left me and it has been my worst enemy. It is time to STOP. I will let you know about how tomorrow goes.

Wish me luck. Step number ONE.

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5 Responses to Oh what tomorrow will bring?

  1. artzent says:

    This is a good step!

  2. Joell says:

    It is so funny/strange/ironic in reading the double meaning here of “lost companion” (pardon me for just catching on!)…because truly you have lost yourself as a companion in your drinking, but then to find yourself you have to lose alcohol as your companion. Both, lost companions. I am so sad for all you have been through, but, WOW, how brave you are in taking the steps you have. Praying that you stay strong in your journey.

    • Yes, that is where lost companion originated from. When I quit drinking I thought about what I was losing and as the time alcohol was my companion.

      You have touched me deeply with how much you care. Thank you for taking part in this process with me. It’s been a crazy road but I am workin’ it 🙂

      • Joell says:

        Like I said in my recent post…We need each other so much! It not only applies to the grief my friend is feeling in the loss of her dad, but to any tough journey. You can’t do it alone. We are not designed to go through this life without the love and support of others. I am sure you have found that to be true in your recovery.

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