AA- Something I thought would never be in my list of acronyms. I guess I should be proud of this step I am taking but I am terrified. I am meeting with this woman, about my age, who has been a recovering alcoholic for a year now and she sounds like she can truly relate to the self destruction of alcohol I have struggled with my whole adult life (off and on).
I can do this.
All day I thought about the fact that I can’t go home and drink…drink…oh yeah, and have a damn drink. One of the people I work with was talking about margaritas and my mouth literally starting salivating-like it is now. I had to walk away from the conversation.
I feel like I am losing a “companion”, a “friend”, a SUBSTANCE that helped me forget about being sexually abused at a young age. Forget about the abusive men I have chosen. The mother that knew and did nothing. The times I spent in mental institutions trying to cope with the nightmare of the first 20 years of my life: HELL. How do I do it now? I abused opiates and pot along with drinking for many many years. Sadly, I have now brought that hell of drinking into my life. I don’t smoke pot or take opiates but the drinking has never left me and it has been my worst enemy. It is time to STOP. I will let you know about how tomorrow goes.
Wish me luck. Step number ONE.