Homework: When was the last time I told myself I would not drink…but I did?

Last Wednesday night I told myself that I would not drink for one week;
that was my goal but as I recall I did not make it past 8pm that evening. I
can remember Thursday night drinking until I… well I can’t remember.

I felt like a failure on Wednesday but the feeling of being drunk was so
amazing I knew I would be able to deal with the emotions soon after I
sobered up so I really did not need to worry.

Now I have to face this, face it like I face the abuser (the devil).

It has been one week of being sober. Yesterday sucked. After my meeting I
cried and screamed at God because I wanted a drink more than anything I
have ever wanted in my life.  but! I DID NOT DRINK! I cried. It was so long
ago that I cried that hard I can’t even remember.

AA- the program has 12 steps. I opened the book today but flipped through
it. I am ready to dive in (slowly). God is leading me.

WALK:

I went on a great walk this morning with a very good friend of mine. We
talked about where we are both at  in life. We are both in very similar
places and at the same time dealing with very different things. I cried, I
yelled about “father” and I walked. The gray sky was scattered with  dashes
of white: it felt the journey I am on right now. I feel dark and sad in
inside but there are small dashes of white brushed on my soul from life’s
palate.

I can do this!

I was so scared for the weekend: first weekend sober but here I am and
drink free. Sonority is a wonderful thing I keep hearing from the drunks I
have met in my meetings. The reality, I am a drunk. Once a drunk, always a
drunk.
I will finish with thanking God for keeping me sober today. One day at a
time. I did not crash emotionally as compared to the last 6 days and I
didn’t drink. This is my one week birthday!!!

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Homework: When was the last time I told myself I would not drink…but I did?

  1. 3615cha says:

    And if i wasn’t clear before, you are amazing, what an amazing strong person you are! Well done, bravo, congratulations, all words are too little…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s