Three years ago I would not have pegged myself as an alcoholic…here I am;
coming home from an AA meeting; running to the shower so I don’t drink the
beer that may have been left in the refrigerator. I did not even want to
I tried very hard to stay awake at the meeting tonight. I take sleeping
pills to sleep at night because my whole system is messed up. I have seen
something good come from my sobriety, my face has cleared. I’m sure from
the thousand of calories I drank most nights I may be dropping some pounds.
I guess the most important thing that has come from this is my ability to
feel like I am going to jump off a mountainous bridge (and don’t) because
no matter what is going on in my world I want a drink (and I DON’T).
Anything that has gone wrong these last few weeks multiplies that feeling.
I have not drunk liquor. I do not drink.
I can do this.
I feel badly that I had to ask my family to remove the beer from the
refrigerator so that I am not tempted to drink it when they are not home.
Their response: It’s ok, that’s what we are here for. Beer would have been
my last choice but not given any at this point I could go for it; I have
come so far…I won’t. God help.
If anyone reading this is an alcoholic, does this get better? Will I stop
questioning if I am sober every damn morning when I wake up? Questioning if
I am sober enough to get to where I need to go?
God, thank you for keeping me sober today.