A time I was not going to drink but I did: Late Summer of 2010: Blog for 4/24/11

 

I lived in XXXXX at the time. I had just got down there to see someone I was seeing. After a few hours I had to go up to XXXXXX for a “girls night” with some of my good friends. I drove over an hour to meet them. I told myself on the way up there (and the person I was seeing) that I would not drink because I had to drive over an hour back to XXXXXXX.

I got there. They were all drinking beer. I waited until the waitress came to make my “final”  decision. I asked for a beer. I though one would be ok; we were going to be there for a while so I had time to eat and drink water. I decided not to eat. I did have another beer. It’s easy to rationalize a beer over run and coke or a margarita.- I had a beer or two before I left them to go back to XXXXXXX. I even finished my friends Blue Moon because she was going to leave it at the table, half empty (or half full?).

“Party foul!” My alcoholic mind thought.

I got in my car and contemplated waiting a while to drive but the person I was seeing at the time would count the seconds it took for me to get back because he was so lonely. I started to drive. I was in an area in XXXXX that I did not know very well. I thought I turned on my lights; I didn’t. As I turned to get on a main street I saw a cop from my rear view mirror turn on his head lights and start towards me. I knew It was because of me so I checked my lights to find they were off so I quickly turned them on. I got through the yellow light but the cop stopped at the red. That damn light must have been the quickest light in the city. I started to panic. I drove about five miles over the speed limit. There was a car that looked like mine that was driving ahead of me. I caught up with it and turned into a parking lot when the cop was out of sight; but not for long. I decided to drive around the parking lot and make a big circle. I ended up back at the same exit I started at when I left my friends. The only difference was that my light’s were on, te cop was gone and like a fucking idiot I was drunk.

I should not have driven but somehow I made it.

Do you think that stopped me and woke me up? NO. It was just another thing I escaped. The funny thing is I looked at it like I escaped getting in trouble therefore it had “nothing” to do with the drinking. I thought I had to be smarted next time and just turn on my lights. How stupid of me to forget such a dumb thing when I was “ok” to drive: God thank you for keeping me from harming others.

God, thank you for protecting me that day and please forgive me. Thank you for keeping me sober last night.

Please keep me sober today.

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