I want to make tonight short and sweet. I am lonely because I am not fucked up. I just got off the phone with someone who is really important to me and it really helped talking.
Tomorrow is my 30 days of sobriety. How do I feel????
Sober, Angry and Emotional. There has not been many days that have gone by that I have not cried. This sucks. There is some amazing things that have come from this.
1. The clarity of thought I have had just recently has been amazing.
2. I know the people who love me unconditionally because they have stuck with me: listened to me cry, scream, laugh and complain. They give me the time I need right now to talk so I don’t go crazy even though I feel like I am. The funny thing is crazy is being a DRUNK alcoholic.
3. My body feels different. I am exhausted but not from the alcohol attacking my body.
4. I go to the AA meetings everyday. I have become part of the family and I truly have needed that.
5. My life is in scrambles as it was when I was drinking so much but I am slowly picking up the pieces and if I was drinking I would still be going down hill.
6. For the first time in nearly 7 years I am sober.
Thank you God for keeping me sober today. Please help me make it tomorrow to my 30th day. I am excited to get the 30 day chip. I do feel healing taking place. I can struggle through this. The fourth step is a mind fuck. I know if I get through this step the power of what I am doing and the emotional baggage I am getting out will lead to something profound.
I am thankful for my sponsor. The thing is; she does not babysit me. I have to do this. If I drink I drink, it’s not on her.
I will be honest with you readers throughout this whole process. If I drink, if I decide to go back to AA because I drank or if this is it and I never pick up a drink again, I will continue to write.
God keep me sober tomorrow. Happy 30 day b-day to me. I never thought I would get here and that it would truly mean so much to me.
Thank you for your support!