My 30 day red chip!

Hello day 30. Here I am. Sober. Thank God.

I got my 30 day chip.

How do I feel? I feel sober, angry and emotional.  The fact of the matter is I feel all of these emotions and more. Most of all I feel so blessed to have made it 30 days. I never through I would go 30 days without my longtime companion that was killing me, invisibly.

The topic at the meeting tonight was: What are the changes that we have seen in out lives since sobriety?

Tonight they went around the room so that each person could talk. I told them I have seen many changes going in my life since I quit drinking. The clarity of thought I have now is incredible and it sucks. I have to face the emotions and memories of the torture and sexual abuse and bullshit like that from my past. But! The amazing thing is that I have been able to face these things without drinking. Only through GOD have I been able to do so. Sure I think about alcohol ALL of the time. I cry everyday, multiple times. I take 45 min showers screaming and crying because of the horrible things that I have covered up using a deceiving but cunning liquid that hid everything that needed to hide in the deep dark crevice of my soul. I am also realizing the person that I was when I was drinking. It is very sad to think about the last 7 years of my life and how much I fucked up. In conclusion of 30 days of sobriety, I am alive and I am thinking clearly, I am feeling and crying.

God, thank you for keeping me sober today.

One day at a time. I hope I will be able to continue the strength to be sober tomorrow. For now, here I am. Drinking tea and blogging.

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