Hello, my name is LostCompanion and I am an alcoholic.
I have become good friends with a person at AA. He is like my brother; I love him like a brother. He called me in the middle of the day freaking out. He had an old friend that wanted to see him. His friend had crack, pot…among other things. My Brother was freaking out. He is 38 and has relapsed many times. He truly wants to be health and sober. Through the time I have been in AA we have developed an amazing friendship. Brother (for the first time) had come out about how he was molested as a child. One day at an AA meeting he heard me talk about the anger I have because I can’t use alcohol as an escape from my abusive past; physical and sexual. He said it gave him the strength to try to open that door. Since then he has been going crazy remembering the things his brother and sister did to him when he was a kid.
So back to today, as I said Brother called me. He told me that he wanted to kill himself. He knew if he did the shit the guy had he would die. He knew if he smoked crack he would drink, it was inevitable. He said the feeling of failure would probably make him kill himself the next day.
He has come so far.
Brother and I made a pact a while ago that we wont leave each others lives. We were devoting our friendship to making sure we would be there for each other: pick up the phone and call. And so he called me. And he showed up to AA and he saw his sponsor.
Brother’s laugh is contagious. In the short time I have known him I can’t imagine not hearing it again. I told him on the phone to pray. He was going to get off of the phone to pray but I stopped him and we prayed together. We talked every hour until he made it to the meeting. He gave me so much faith in God because I knew he was going to make it, God protected him. He is a beautiful friend. Pray for him. He is a great man; wounded and trying to surrender to God. God will keep him safe, I do have faith.
I know God will keep him safe because he has brought me here. I am 38+ days sober. I have never been sober for this long. I am starting to feel a calm inside that I have NEVER felt. It is slowly coming but it is here, bit by bit.
I did an inventory today that made me want to lose my mind. It was on someone I know but in general fucking pieces of shit child molesters. The anger and rage I have for people like that is insane. Doing inventory is helping me so much. I couldn’t help but write so had (with a red pen by the way) that I nearly wrote through the paper. Fucking child molesters take so much from people.
I am no longer a victim to that shit. I am taking these 38 days to work towards giving this to God and hopefully let the anger and rage go.
Thank God Brother made it tonight. He felt so badly that he called me talking about killing himself because he was so lost. I am so thankful he called me. He gave me strength. I prayed for him which took me away from focusing on my shit. God is good.
Being a fucking alcoholic and addict sucks. The desire is so great it controls your body because it take’s over your mind. You may not be drunk or high but the obsession makes you yearn for it so badly you can feel it and taste it.
A woman in the meeting tonight said, “Thank God for fellowship.” Amen to that. The people we connect with and the relationships that are built are life changing.
Thank you God for keeping me sober today. Your will be done with my job. Help me to put my trust in YOU!
Let’s pray for my Brother’s, my friends cousin Dan, my best friend and all of those who suffer from alcoholism.