Tomorrow I will have 60 days of sobriety and for some reason I started having very bad feelings today and the fucking urge to drink has been creeping up on me.
The Miracle: Before the meeting we drunks like to sit outside and smoke, joke, talk about where we are mentally and physically and fucking try to get through the minutes. There was this girl standing around us waiting for her friend. After about a half hour she politely asked what we were doing? I told here we are AA.
She started crying and told me her situation. She is an alcoholic. She told her father (who is a veteran recovered alcoholic) who had been trying for years to get her to stop drinking what had taken place. It turns out she and I went to the same highschool. I invited her up to go to the meeting with me but she declined. I gave her my number and told her she could call me anytime. She kept thanking me when I was talking to her and I told her not to thank me, she is the one who want’s so desperately to quit. We smoked cigarettes and shared stories…I didn’t think she would ever show up for a meeting seeing that when she and I were talking she had already been to the bar and had a few shots. In alcoholic land, that is probably like 5 to 10 (no fucking joke).
Quite a few hours later she texted me and said she will be coming to the meeting tomorrow night and she is going to bring a friend who is a drunk and her fiance. She was so excited to tell her dad that she is going to AA.
I pray and hope she and her people will soak up this program because it is the only way to live at this point…otherwise there is death. I am not much of a black and white person but I will tell you with AA that’s all there is.
So as I reflected on this evening and the event that took place earlier, I felt very blessed. Like I started this blog off, I am starting to let my mind go back into that alcoholic thinking. I realized God is working in my life. 60 days in and I see what it was like on day one for me when I met my new friend. I still feel like I just put my last drink down two hours ago but the mental clarity that I have gained is amazing. My mentality only gets better as time passes.
I pray those three will make it. I told her how hard it is. I told her on Wed I wanted to fucking die, literally FUCKING die…but somehow (and that somehow is God) I made it home and didn’t drink and this weekend I felt like a true living human being for a few days. That was great. I have more and more hope.
I also know that I could drink at anytime. I am still so young in the amazing program. Hell, people who hae been sober for 20 years somehow manage to scum to the symptom of booze. The damn cycle seems to be jacking with me again right now again.
God, please help me make it to-day 60. I’m almost there. Be with the people who need you and I know You know who they are: those that are in my heart and mind.
Thank you for reading my friends,