My brother (my AA Brother) is a reminder of why I am on this road to sobriety. I went down town to pick him up for a meeting and saw how hard it was for him to just make it to my car. He said he had taken a few pain killers because of his foot. His foot? He has a rear infection in his body. He is a drunk. He drank and drank and cut himself while drunk (doing something stupid) which lead to an infection because he was too drunk to notice the cut on his foot, therefore he lost half of his foot.
I really love him like my brother and he is so sick.
But so am I.
So he and I went to the meeting this morning. Halfway through the meeting I took him to my car to sleep while I went back to the meeting until it was finished. I had no idea just how fucked up he was. My Sponsor was at that meeting and she knows him so she and I walked to my car. The car door was open, his legs hanging out and his body was half way out the door.
He had overdosed on opiates. In his mind he was sober because he was not drinking but what he was doing was “feeling” good because he wanted to drink. Any alcoholic knows that things like that don’t last long. Yes, they are addictive but alcohol has a hold that opiates only enhance.
I in my past have also abused opiates. Seeing him today like that made me sick to my stomach. That man, was me, is me. My sponsor told him he is going to die.
She took him to the hospital but he came up with stupid reasons to get dropped off at home so she took him to his apartment.
Earlier he told me that he had opiates left in his apartment and after the meeting he told my sponsor he didn’t. Fuck, drunks are such good liars.
It makes me sad because I use to be the one hanging out of some place drunk and drugged up. A few years ago I got of the opiates but looking at my drinking and drugging career I needed the alcohol. No matter what, If I had alcohol I could keep going; which I did. Sixty four days ago God turned me away from that…and I have been trying to stay away every minute of every day since then. Today, I saw what I was…what I will be if I go back. It’s so sad; I think my friend will die. He has been in and out of AA for several years. I don’t want to see him die. I was told at the beginning of this program that I will see people come and go, people get sober people, and people who just can’t do it and they die. Statistics show 5 out of 7 people who have alcoholism die from it. It’s like what my sponsor told me today, the people we see in the meetings are a small portion of alcoholics, most of us die from this disease.
God, please don’t let alcohol or drugs be my way out. Or suicide at that.
Well, I just got off the phone with brother and he was crying. He went to detox but because of his infection they could not take him for liability reasons so instead of going to the hospital he went home. He asked me not to leave him. I told him I won’t. And I won’t. He said I am the only family he has. And it’s true. He and I made a pact 60 some odd days ago…we were going to get sober and see each other old. I really put all that I had into that because that was all I had to hold onto my first few days of sobriety. I feel just as strong today about that promise than I did when we made it. I love him, he is my brother. God please help him. Hold him. Let him know he is not alone.