I did not perform well

I’m not fucking writing enough. Today was a pretty fucking emotional day for me, for many reasons…. I am still very fucking emotional.

I still really enjoy my job but it was very stressful today. I truly wanted to go to a bar and ave a fucking glass of beer and relax, instead I am here, writing to you.

My boss want’s to relocate me to a different part of the state to open up a new marketing program. I am not worried about going because I can find a meeting there and my brother is already up there and he is a huge support. The thing is, I told him about my situation…I can’t take my car because it’s not under my name and the “people” whose name it’s under is not comfortable with me going that far with it while it is in their name. I can’t argue with that, I respect them, without them I would not have a fucking car. OK, so in turn my day was pretty shitty. My boss was great and is trying to get a rental car for me. He is very supportive and as luck would have it, he has people in his life that are recovering alcoholics. (I told him a huge chunk of my story) The rest of the day I felt so fucking vulnerable and I did not perform well, sucked. I have to let things go or it will lead to a drink, the fucking thought crossed my mind already today. I am protected so I didn’t and I prayed but the thought came to mind, FUCKING TORTURE. I am getting better and better but at a really sucking slow pace. I don’t care if I relocate for a week, either way I have a job and I truly enjoy it. I actually took a few anxiety pills to get through the rest of the day. I can actually say I am very proud of  104 days of sobriety ( I was wrong on the number of days on the last blog).

here is for another day of sobriety: Thank You God. PLease help me tomorrow. I love you.

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