because the fucking dog died

It’s been a while since I have been LostCompanion.  I seem to neglect the fact that this has been a process through staying strong throughout my sobriety. I am on a path that I am so thankful to God I am on. Men don’t matter right now; as far as a romantic relationship goes. I have stopped “flirting” with men…I’ve been laying down the ground-rules with the men in my life. I can only give as much as I can and it will not be anything close to a relationship. I told a very good friend of mine who has made it abundantly clear that he has strong feelings for me: three things in my life that are helping me love me and enjoy the fact that I am sober is God, AA, and my job. I love where I am at.

I am in no way saying I am “the shit” and everyman wants to fuck me…not the case. I am just pointing out the fact that I have made a very strong decision in my life. My relationship with God and loving myself at 27 is amazing. I need this time with God: me- healthy-sober….FUCKING LIVING.

I am 129 today’s (or so).

 

I am fucking alive.

I had a Step-one God moment with the idiot I had a 24 hour AA crush on: I realized while we had an AA conversation: The only “trigger” to picking up a drink is the mental obsession of craving; because Alcohol is an allergy,the alcoholic will drink…an excuse could be……… “your dog died,” and some would justify the fact that your dog dying is a reason to drink. For the alcoholic, the reason to drink is Alcohol…..the most amazing thing about it is that I can give “the dog dying” to God or I can pick up a drink, because the fucking dog died…..This is where being in AA and doing the work and developing a relationship with “your creator” (for me God) will give you protection (one is protected): But I must turn to Him. I have a choice to pick up a drink or fucking do the shit necessary to stay sober. The most important thing is that “the shit necessary to stay sober” is actually wonderful; In ways I can’t explain….

God please keep me sober. Thank you for keeping me sober for this amount of time. Please help those who need you.

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