Off for the night

Well, I am leaving the house for the night.

I feel sad….I need strength.

I miss my good friend. My AA brother, Nick, almost died again. He is still in the hospital; I love my brother. A good family friend died unexpectedly and the funeral was today. My “mom” is showing signs of dementia….Lack of sleep is really hitting me. My biological father is back in ICU and on life support. My cousin who is 25 and has lupus has little time to live. To top it all off my dog has lupus and is declining rapidly.

I am exhausted.

I did not have all this shit go on at once when I was drinking, now I am sober and this is really fucking hard to deal with. I talked to a good friend this morning from AA. He is the old man from my home-group that I call grandpa… He helped me. I also called my x-boyfriend. It was so good to hear his voice; I should not have called him though. I said goodbye to him for the last time a bit ago. I am ready to let this go now. I can’t ever talk to him or see him (for me to move on) which is the right thing for me to do. I realize I am in no place to get in to a serious relationship… I should not have put that man through the shit I put him through. I hope he can forgive me and move on, I need to. I can never talk to him again. On a lighter note, he better bring my Sunny (without me knowing) 🙂

God help me. Take me in to your arms and hold me for a minute while I cry so that I can let go and give all of this to you.  Thank you for everything you have given me. I love you.

 

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