feeling a little bit depressed

I took off half of the day at work today…I am feeling a little bit depressed; still sad about last week: what a fucking hellish week. When I walked in the house today my “mother” was on the ground, she had a mini-stroke. What will we do if something happens to her?

God help!

I have the ability to make a lot of money at my new job. They are really cool about what’s going on in my life. I told them about my miscarriage and about my “mother” (grandmother). I told the few managers that I felt needed to know as well as my good friend who referred me to this job; no one else. This job is a great beginning for me. I am quite and pay attention and want to succeed and work hard. This is the kind of job that can take me places. I pray I do well.

I got some pain pills for the shit I was going through this weekend with the miscarriage. I finished them, I tool the last one a bit ago; they are gone. I did feel a sense of escape this weekend when I took them. It did help with the pain: emotionally and physically. I think this is probably something that plays a role in me feeling down today.

Tonight I am going to spend time with my family…have dinner….read my new book and get a good nights sleep. I pray that I do well tomorrow at work. I need to present myself better than I did today, I just did not want to wake up. I’m going to kick ass and do well. I am also uncomfortable with my weight. I gained 10-15 pounds since I got pregnant, I have to lose it now. To some extent I feel comfortable where I am at physically, I don’t want to be looked at or touched by a man right now. I’m not obese by any means but .I’m farther away from where I want to be. Right now I just need to keep going.

I am not going to my meeting tonight; I’m going to spend time with my grandma and grandpa. I just called one of their daughters and let her know what’s going on; I pray the family will help more.

Thank you God for keeping me sober today

RIP: Dan Wheldon

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