It’s actually pretty fucking cool. Now that I have been sober for a while I look back and think about how unhappy I was, a fucking drunk….who married a drunk…. I should have been dead long before I even got married. Add marriage into the equation and I can’t believe I did not die after my wedding night (or on it). I had to throw that in there, I think it’s fucking hilarious; now.
I just saw a few pics of my ex and he is with his ex…wow……I am so happy I have no part in that. Fuck, my life is pretty fucking awesome (even though it really blows sometimes). I’m fucking sober; life looks a lot fucking different.
In other news, I had to put my dog down yesterday. I came home on my lunch and said goodbye to him. It reminds me of when I had to say goodbye to my dog when I left my husband. I knelt down on the snow next to the old man yesterday. He was bleeding from his nose…small puddles….on the show. He could hardly get up…fuck he was suffering. I cried and smelled his ears (they smelled like puppy). He had this cute puppy hair at the top of his ears so I cut some of his “puppy ” fur and kept it. I sat down inside at the bay window and watched him outside. He was old and ready to go. He was a sweet soul. I was about to walk out the door…..but I stopped. I looked at the clock and realized I could spend a few more minutes with him. I went back outside and literally said, “goodbye”. Hugged him and left for work. I needed to go to work.
I’m feeling so much better…my “mom” is doing well….the dog is not suffering and the hard part of putting him down is over…..I am not dating anyone and it feels really fucking good……My job is tough as fuck but I’m doing pretty well!……The rest of my family seem to be doing well…the Cardinals won the world series tonight!!!! I watched an amazing game of football last Sunday! It was AWESOME….I’m finally feeling pretty damn healthy…..I’m moving past the miscarriage…..I am coming closer to my creator……and so on.
I can say that these last few days have been pretty damn well. I am so thankful for that. Who knows what tomorrow brings??? Right now is pretty cool.
Thank you for reading my blog, readers. Your support is amazing.