- 1,600 views all-time
Above is the number of views I have had since I became sober and started writing this blog. So much of me at this point want’s to go public about who I am but I am just not ready. I am still on a fucking crazy journey and I am enjoying it; there are some very hard parts but I am doing what I think is right for me at the present time and I don’t need people telling me what direction I should go. I decided to get sober. I am almost 28; I can stand on my own two feet. I might fucking fall and fall hard but if I can continue this journey sober, I believe it will be worth it. I almost said I hope it will be worth it but hope is like wishing and I need to have more trust in the ability I have to be successful in my life.
I don’t talk to too many people in my life right now. I can’t tell my grandparents what’s going on or what I do sometimes (often I lie and I fucking hate it). My best friend does not want to hear about my dating relationships, he gets uncomfortable and he is dealing with some pretty heavy shit. My mom and I are ok but the more I get to know my father I see what a fucking cunt she is. I am so angry with her again…? AND, AND, AND who knows what the fuck is wrong with my body, I think I am very ill.
Right now I am doing pretty well in general. I think I have a pretty bad sinus infection. My body has been hurting very badly and I went to the hospital last Friday for a foot thing. But I was driving home tonight and the full moon light up the snowy foothills I live near and I remembered how cool it is to be alive and sober at that moment. This reminds me….!!!! I don’t remember if I wrote about the beer that spilled on me and my clothes the other day at open mike…… I don’t think so. It was so cool, I realized the day after that beer had spilled all over me and it did not faze me. It was pretty nice. To me it was like any other liquid that would have spilt on me but it was Fucking beer!!!
God is pretty good. I am very blesses and I am trying to be thankful for what I have.
Every night before bed I smoke a bowl. I enjoy that very much. I think it helps in quite a few ways.
I have been pushing my photography business a little more. I am trying to start my own ebay business. I am getting more balls and slowly getting better at being a stand-up comedian. I am more serious then ever to get my car paid off or sold so that I can move out.
I am done here; I think we all feel it in the house. I need to pay off my car before I can move because my grandparents put the car in their name because of the damn divorce and so on and so forth and blah blah blah….
I think my grandfather might know that I smoke. Not sure how that would go down. If it does not go down too well, I think I have some options as to where I might be able to live. I might have to take the bus and the transit system but I can do it.
I am very blessed to be at a point that I am doing what I think is right for me. The only thing that I feel truly badly about is lying to my grandparents. I feel like if I am going to do what is right for me I need to. They are in their mid 70’s; staunch Catholic’s and have been married since they were conceived
Also, if I need to move abruptly I think I can. I will still pay on the car. They can keep it in the garage and I can stop paying car insurance on it until it is paid off and then I’ll drive it again. I am truly not afraid anymore. I am ready to be on my own, live and try to survive: sober.
I FEEL I HAVE BEEN MORE SELFCENTERED. I WONDER IF IT’S BECAUSE I STOPPED TALKING TO MANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. I AM TRYING TO JUST RELY ON WHERE MY GOD IS TELLING ME TO GO. I DO NOT, ONE BIT, CONSIDER IT ISOLATION. I CAN’T EVER REMEMBER FEELING MORE PRODUCTIVE AND MORE FOCUSED.
And shit do I have shit to tell about the guys that are in my life. Let’s just say that I am learning just how much I am worth and the confidence I am acquiring through my self discovery is aiding the process. I am still struggling in life, I think like most people do though, not active drunks. The most amazing part is that I am doing it sober. This is truly the first time (9 months into sobriety) that I feel neutral. It’s cool.
I have not been going to as many meetings as I once was. I stopped seeing my sponsor which I think I told you. And I have decided I am going to try to go to a meeting or two more a week.
Any who thank you for sticking! I won’t promise anything but I am going to try to write more.
9 FUCMING MONTHS! HELL YES!