That was definitely a reality check.

Fuck I need to get back to basics. I had some talks with my superiors at work about my attitude. That was definitely a reality check.

I have been so goddamn angry…FUCK.

I don’t like how I have been at work lately… I am not this angry of a person. The anger I feel right now can be equated to the anger I felt when I first got sober…I just wanted to fucking die. I feel something sad down so deep but today made me realize how much the people I work with do appreciate me and want me to succeed and get back to the woman that is not down and depressed.

I have been seeking control for a while now; going down-hill in the process.

Things to do to get more balance: Write in my block as close to daily as I can. Read more. Get rid of my cell phone. Do crafts. REMEMBER TO BREATHE. Do some comedy things. AA. Getting a normal sleeping pattern. Routine at night before bed. Take my antidepressants around the same time everyday. Drink more water. Watch what I eat more. Remember: I am alive to live.  Get out of my fucking head.

I feel a bit of calm inside of me, not much but enough to know I’m doing ok. My friend (co-worker) spent a couple of hours with me as we worked. We talked…I did the job right and didn’t get distracted with my thoughts. My job consists of being alone for 5 hours; self-management. Since all of this shit has been going on (in my world and my head) I have been having trouble focusing and keeping up at times. I have been making excuse after excuse to myself about why I am not doing too well and woo-is-me attitude: victim mentality.

God help me get off this dysfunctional path that I am on before I loose the good things that are in my life. Help me get fucking confidence. Take this fucking self-doubt and anxiety that has been consuming me. – Thanks Batman

thanks for reading friend

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