Sitting here at the computer looking at the beautiful city; One of my favorite buildings that I have admired since I was a kid is right in front of me.
Last night I finally told them that I see shadow people and it makes me scared. I’m fucked up. Thankfully I am sober, 13 months yesterday.
I didn’t drink. I almost was there. In AA they say if shit goings down to pick up the phone. So, I picked up a phone and called a hotline. Perhaps this is another momentous event in my life-like 4/9/11 was.
Hours before I walked into the hospital I sat in a tub full of hot water for an hour or two observing the fresh plump veins that showed through my overly moistened skin. My head was resting on the corner of the tub; my eyes gazing on the blue earthworm under my skin. I wanted to watch the blood slowly swirl into the tub water.
Now I am here in a psych ward. They war helping me. I have a lot of shit that has happened to me that I never faced or blocked thought out the years Well it’s here to be dealt with.
I had a plan:
Cut my vein in the worm tub. Watch all of vital fluid erupt from the puncture wound like an epic eruption under the ocean. I felt as though that would be a peaceful way to go.
Thirteen months yesterday.