Weed

I feel as though I gave my life to God this morning.

When I get back up north I fear being around marijuana. Now that I have taken some time away from that lifestyle and my mind is clear I see how it impacted my life and I was using it as an escape like I did alcohol.

Is there a comparison in my book? Hell no. marijuana is nothing compared to alcohol. The problem for me is that I was escaping so much I stopped going to meetings (partly because I did not want to go because I was smoking.) It will be there when I get back up North. I have to trust in God. Like I have been reminded in AA like I thrived on when I quit drinking, focus on the moment and trust God.

I have talked to my dad about it. I asked him if he is disappointed in me and his answer was this, “you are am addict like me, I get it.” I gave my dad my medical marijuana license so that when I get back I don’t have the option of going to a dispensary.

The thing I worry about is the physical pain. The RA has been acting up badly. I got so upset the other say and freaked out because I wanted to smoke. I started smoking last October I think and it greatly helped with the pain. My dad said then I get back down here I will get to a doctor….I am going to get a full physical, all the works.

 

Please God help me. I don’t want to spend my last few weeks in the city I love saying goodbye to the people I love high. I have done too much in my life fucked up; help me.

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5 Responses to Weed

  1. chapmanron says:

    Sounds like progress to me, which is never the straight line we expect.

    The most interesting progress I have seen in recovery is the ability to stop judging ourselves harshly. It began when a sponsor observed there was no room for judgment in the inventory work, that an honest self-assessment was to have no opinion, rather to see and accept the facts.

    Keep trudging … it becomes you …

  2. It sounds like you are going in the right direction. I wish you the most luck!

  3. nick gould says:

    The path you have taken is simply amazing. Reading this blog has made me a huge fan of you!

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