I don’t know how to slow my mind down when I have so much to do and to figure out. I don’t think “normies” understand what it’s like to be alcoholic crazy. People who are not alcoholics freak out and get irrational about things but I think being an alcoholic while trying to cope makes things ten times harder due to the coping mechanisms we have developed throughout our drinking. I am also in a crazy place mentally.
I am scared to go back up North to get my things and say goodbye to my friends. I am going to give Simon, my guanine pic to a family member who I know will take care of him. I am so fucking heartbroken over a guanine pig. Simon was what I went home to everyday when I just wanted to die at the beginning of my sobriety. If you have followed me from the start of this creation of LOSTCOMPANION you will see how really fucked up I was. Now that’s not to say I am not still fucked up but it took quite a while (maybe the first months) to even begin to see the blue sky…I just wanted to die. Simon was given to me from an old boyfriend I had; the one I dated right after my marriage ended. I fell for Simon immediately. I held him every chance I could. I needed that “being” in my life to take care of, it kept me afloat. Now I have to give him up. My dad has two cats who would love to eat Simon. I feel like, yet again, I have to give up another pet of mine that means so much to me. I know that God will take care of him. Simon was a great little guy for me and still is, but I have to let him go.
If moving down South and not being able to take Simon so I can have areal family and my father who I love so much and is in recovery with me than so be it.
I think I hold on to things to create total destruction in my mind. I am not giving any of these things to God right now. I am holding on to these things that I should give to God. He knows my heart. With this Simon thing, God found a great place for him to be and I need to be thankful for that.
Thank you for reading my friends.