I have been doing well.
My father was brought to consciousness in the ICU today and is no longer intubated. The look on his face when I walked in meant the world to me, it made my heart soft. Since he has been in the hospital I have been battling with a lot of anger. Surprise, surprise, I have been dealing with anger. I sat with him for two and a half hours. I fed him lunch (because he can not use his arm) and cleaned his face. The most touching thing that happened today was when I wiped the tears from his eyes as he lay there is a total state of surrender.
I asked his why he was upset and he replied, “I did not want you to see me like this.”
“Then don’t smoke again.” I replied with a deep stare in his eyes. I didn’t blink as I said that to him.
I quit smoking 5 days ago. I told him I will have nothing to do with his smoking. If he starts back up and he is sitting on the porch smoking I wont talk to him until that damn thing is out of his mouth. I told him I quit because I don’t want to do to my family and myself what I see him doing.
Amazing how things work out I think.
My father has a long road ahead of him. He will have to go to physical therapy to learn to walk again, move his arms and feed himself.
I told him that because he was in suck a manic phase maybe he should talk to his doctors and see of he needs some med adjustments. He really went manic, I have anyone like that. He said he has been on the same meds for 20 years.
From my own mental health history I have learned that brain chemistry changes over a 7 year period. I told him that perhaps the meds he is on are no longer working. He took that well.
Tonight I saw the most beautiful sunset, like the immensely colorful sunsets Colorado always gave me!