Things seem to be staying pretty steady right now.
I just visited my dad in the hospital. Again, I am very frustrated with him. He is back to his “active addict” mindset. All he is talking about is his pain. He gets shots of morphine every two hours. My question is how the hell is he going to make it back here with no narcotics? I don’t know how I feel about having them in the house. He is milking this for all it’s worth. They did a full body MRI and found nothing wrong with him: I was in the hospital room when the doc came in and told him. He has been telling people the doctor said he has a herniated disc. He also told me he had mrse in his lungs like last time but he does not… I don’t know what to believe.
He has also been telling the doctor that he wants fucking clonazepam. He overdosed on that shit twice, one of those times he should have not come out of it but he did. Luckily my step-mom was there when he told he doctor that, she stepped in and said no. She told him he has a MAJOR problem and can not be on it. I am actually embarrassed to say I abused those too. I don’t want to be associated with anything that has to do with drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. I want to be better than that. I am fucking better than that.
As far as my journey. I have been successful for a week now. I look at my dad and I see myself if I continue to smoke. Hell I see myself in him if I was still drinking.
I am going to get a few hours of sleep. I am taking care of a man who is dyeing tonight, I work the night shift- 11pm to 8am. Of all things I do at night when he is sleeping is my stand-up.