I need to get out what is in my head right now, map out the good things and the bad…
Good: I have a job. I have a wonderful home to live in. My car is getting paid for. My car insurance is getting paid for. I did not binge eat tonight. I still have some nicotine patches left. I have $80 to my name until next week. My best-friend is doing well. I had a great night with my step-mom. My dad is alive. I came off the antidepressants well. I have the ability and tools to create my art and crafts. I did great with eating today. I made some important phone calls today. I cleaned my dads room for him. I got vitamins to help me. I wrote some great stand-up and have some other awesome ideas. I felt calmer today than I have in a little while. The RA was not too bad today. I am making some friends. I will be able to take at least one class in the Spring. I have the internet to be able to write this blog. I got a ton of laundry done today. My grandparents are healthy and well. I have a great church I go to. I AM SOBER! I get a lot of “me” time on a daily basis. I was able to work on my crafts a little while ago. I drank more water than I normally do throughout the day. I am going to join a gym. I don’t feel depressed or anxious right now. I cleaned my room. I have a great car. I am healthy. I still have an electronic cigarette. I still have time to mend broken relationships if they are meant to be mended. I get to enjoy two great cats here. My sister will be coming home from college for a few days. I have the ability to find another job. I have a job where I get to help and take care of old people. I downloaded over three hours of stand-up for free! I read a whole book in one night last week which I have never done, I can’t remember EVER finishing another book and I am about 100 pages into the next one. I am loved. I am searching for God and feel him at times. I was able to control the anger I have been feeling today. I CAN BLOG and you are reading this which means the world to me. I have a great nephew and a twin sister and a brother I hope to talk to again. I can hear and listen to music that inspires me. I am entertained with free dating sites and the idiots on them. I have an amazing step-mom. I found a big city only about an hour away from where I can perform my comedy. I was able to spend some time on the phone with my friend tonight and go over my material with him. I got to connect with a few good friends recently. I realized that I don’t feel alone like I did when I first got here. This is my 180th blog. One week from today I will be sober 18 months!
Bad: I bought a pack and smoked cigarettes today. I have not talked to my good friend that I got sober with for a very long time. I feel great hate and anger towards my mom and dad. I feel great anxiety about my dad coming home next week. I lied to my dad and told him I was working so that I didn’t feel like I had to go see him. I miss Denver. I have been thinking about drinking quite a bit lately. I am waiting for a new client to help at work and who knows when that will be. I found out school is going to cost a couple hundred more for three credit hours at school. I did not request my college and high school transcripts for the college out here yet. I spent most of the money I had from my first paycheck. I have RA. I weigh 180 lbs…UGH!
Wow– looking at the good and bad, the good outweighs the bad incredibly.
The best thing is I got to spend this time getting these thoughts out so I can sleep better.