What now?

I guess the question is what now? I have no idea if I should see him or not.

I feel as though I need to stay away from him. I am here and I see there is great beauty that can be done outside of watching a man kill himself for an escape that leads to an endless pool of blue lips, lack of oxygen to the brain and a stubbornness that will put him in his grave.

My stepmom is a wonderful woman, I can’t pick up and leave here even though I want to so badly. I see that she can’t be abandoned even though the world of matrimony has.

This goes beyond he being my father or she as his wife, this is life and people who are suffering…but I don’t know what the hell to give. I guess at times like this just being close to my stepmom as she sees her husband to this is all I can do.

What a sad existence my father has experienced. He will probably be dead in a week.

I guess I just let him die and love those who live, even the geriatric people I take care of who want to die but are still living….

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5 Responses to What now?

  1. Thanks for liking my church’s blog. We don’t all believe in God, but we believe in compassion. I don’t know the full story of your father’s experience, but many in my church have had an array of experiences and try to support each other. We try not to judge based on your beliefs about God or the afterlife. My mother is withering away in a nursing home with no hope or effort, though it was not all her own doing as she’s mentally ill. It was drugs but not out of choice so much. I personally believe how and where we were born has a lot to do with the journey our life takes us on, but I also believe in free will and that we can make a better life for ourselves. I’m sorry your father is in such a sad situation. Thank you for sharing your personal story. I hope you find some comfort in it and find your own path in spite of the circumstances of your birth.

    – Joyce

  2. ideflex says:

    Rule #1 – never, ever feel guilty for what you can’t change.
    Rule #2 – always do the right thing even though it may not seem worth it at the time. 20 years down the road at least you will be able to say that no matter what, you were there.

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