My Day

Just got up…I dreamed about this blog. I dreamed that I got on the computer and received comments of encouragement and support. The funny thing is, in my dream I didn’t actually read the comments but I saw that I had many and that alone helped me.

I am fighting a bit of depression. I am trying to keep busy. I made myself get out of the house last night and met my step-mom for dinner and grocery shopping. It was a good thing I did because I can back feeling much better and I slept through the whole night without an over the counter slee

I work in an hour. Right now even the thought of being around two beautiful elderly people makes me nervous. I was sitting on the back porch a few minutes ago looking out at the huge open space filled with cows, sun rays beaming down on me with a cigarette in hand and thought about how lucky I am that I get to spend three house with two cute old people who love me and get paid for it…..that’s my job. I still feel anxious but I keep telling myself mind-over-matter and this-too-shall-pass.

I have been depressed before. I have written before about my bouts at psych-wards….The beautiful thing about where I am is I don’t need that. This is a sadness that is part of life. It’s easy for me to get caught up in “depression” and let myself go.  Right now I need to let myself heal…from a lot. I have not been on anti-depressants for a while now; I am very proud of myself for staying strong.

When my twin sister came down for dad’s funeral she told me she is running out of her anti-depressants and wont be able to get a refill until after the new year. I asked her is she is weaning off because of how badly the meds cause withdrawn and she told me no, that she could go to a psych-hospital if needed. I felt like screaming at her. A psych-hospital is not a place for someone who is withdrawing from their psych meds…it’s not a fing detox. Oh well, all I can do with her is send her good energy and wish her the best!

Okay, my plan for the day: Work 9am-1pm, empty the dishwasher, clean my car and room.

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6 Responses to My Day

  1. lsengul says:

    I hope things get better for you and surround yourself around positive people!

  2. waynemali says:

    I am so pleased for you, you are doing so well to keep looking at the positive side of things after the last few weeks that you have had. Stay strong, we are all here to support you.
    Wayne

  3. Try to file the dark thoughts away, like a to do list, or I’ll think about that tomorrow. And stay focussed on present tasks, small things that can be accomplished will make you feel good.

  4. whatuful says:

    Stay strong. This is my first visit to your blog. I’ll pray for you. Cheer up 🙂

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