Just got up…I dreamed about this blog. I dreamed that I got on the computer and received comments of encouragement and support. The funny thing is, in my dream I didn’t actually read the comments but I saw that I had many and that alone helped me.
I am fighting a bit of depression. I am trying to keep busy. I made myself get out of the house last night and met my step-mom for dinner and grocery shopping. It was a good thing I did because I can back feeling much better and I slept through the whole night without an over the counter slee
I work in an hour. Right now even the thought of being around two beautiful elderly people makes me nervous. I was sitting on the back porch a few minutes ago looking out at the huge open space filled with cows, sun rays beaming down on me with a cigarette in hand and thought about how lucky I am that I get to spend three house with two cute old people who love me and get paid for it…..that’s my job. I still feel anxious but I keep telling myself mind-over-matter and this-too-shall-pass.
I have been depressed before. I have written before about my bouts at psych-wards….The beautiful thing about where I am is I don’t need that. This is a sadness that is part of life. It’s easy for me to get caught up in “depression” and let myself go. Right now I need to let myself heal…from a lot. I have not been on anti-depressants for a while now; I am very proud of myself for staying strong.
When my twin sister came down for dad’s funeral she told me she is running out of her anti-depressants and wont be able to get a refill until after the new year. I asked her is she is weaning off because of how badly the meds cause withdrawn and she told me no, that she could go to a psych-hospital if needed. I felt like screaming at her. A psych-hospital is not a place for someone who is withdrawing from their psych meds…it’s not a fing detox. Oh well, all I can do with her is send her good energy and wish her the best!
Okay, my plan for the day: Work 9am-1pm, empty the dishwasher, clean my car and room.