Fears

Right now I am in the habit of writing lists….here is a list of my fears as quickly as I can type them out until I stop….

death, quick-sand, death of a loved one, the other side, failing at school, not sleeping enough, gaining more weight, acne, being completely alone, relationship with a man, not enough time, depression, anxiety, my mother dying, letting my grandparents down, letting people go, being abandoned, not getting enough alone time, too many people in one place, staying in this Southern state forever, losing motivation, my lac of confidence, my concern with others opinions, needing others, being pushed away, falling on stage, losing my amazing sense of humor, I fear that every time I think of my father I will feel a punch of the deep sadness, nuclear/biological war, bacteria outbreak, zombies, there actually being a place called hell, quitting smoking, losing my sex drive, getting an STD or getting pregnant, letting my step-mom down, building up a wall between me and my step-mom as I try to seek my own inner peace and balance, making both my sisters mad, not mending my relationship with my brother ( I miss and love him so much), my nephew turning out like my sister, me being like my mom, my sister not healing from her past, forgetting who I am, getting old and losing my mind, going through a mental break-down, drinking again, having a mental illness, never finding a man that will love me because I think I am hard to love….I am very complicated and I have many layers….Look at my life.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to Fears

  1. frequentneed says:

    …….I feel like you just looked into my mind and write much of it down.

  2. rylon02 says:

    Quite the list you have there…

  3. noel1543 says:

    I have really similar fears as yours…sometimes, when I think about them I get a burst of large anxiety and have a complete break down.

    I read a book called “Conscious Living” by Gay Hendricks that talks about how to be happy by being present in the moment, realizing you can control only yourself, and to let go of the uncontrollable.

    Yes, all those are fears you’ve listed are legitimate, but worrying about them constantly or frequently takes away from that precious current moment which could be spend living.

    Take a moment, breath, let go, it will be alright 🙂

  4. i can relate to a lot of those. i have an idea, try counter acting them with a positive?

  5. Is is possible for you to flip the switch? Focus on what you you want instead of letting your thoughts run wild with what you don’t want. Also I am giving you the reassurance that your thoughts it not you 🙂 Good luck on your journey 🙂

  6. Quick sand has always been a biggie for me…and now that I’m older, so many more real threats…I try to laugh when I can. Friends are gone, my parents too. I am blessed with a husband and kids and grandkids. Life gets smaller, grasp the little dependable things and moments.

    • Thank you for writing to me and for sharing your perspective. I am sorry you have lost so much in life but you still have a treasure in your husband, kids and grandkids. I wish you a wonderful holiday week!

  7. Sharzhaven says:

    When you stop having fears in life, then you must not be human anymore. The question is: Can you face your fears head on, conquer them, win, becominng a stronger, better YOU?

  8. daylily2011 says:

    You are STRONG for recognizing your fears. I sincerely believe that is the first step to conquering them….Good for you.
    –Daylily

  9. musicgal2012 says:

    Sweetheart, a third of these will never happen, a third of these will pass hardly noticed and the remainder will mould your character and make you strong. We all fear the unknown certainties of life that’s a natural and common trait of human kind.
    Plant your feet and grit your teeth and meet each challenge head on. All the strength you need is within you because God gave it to you when you were born 🙂
    Don’t waste your precious energy on things that may never happen. Today is enough.
    OOXX Lorelle

  10. Hello there,
    I can not relate to what you’re feeling. I have never been there. But I can sympathise. And I know one day, each of us will have to face the bane of our lives. I admire your courage and I hope for you because I believe and I know you’re strong enough to pull through, You were living weak but eventually, you’ll come out strong.

    Much love.

  11. Fear is the dragon we all have to defeat to make a life that is good and has meaning in it. Most of the things we worry about never come to pass. I know, it’s easy to say put the worry aside. But it can paralyze you if you don’t. We all have weaknesses as well as strengths. Your list talked about some of what you perceive as your weaknesses, but we all have talents and strong points as well. Maybe your next list should be about those things, the things you like about yourself, the times you were strong and stood up for yourself. You say you worry that you are hard to love. We are ALL hard to love. Everyone has warts. There is no perfect human being out there. But people do love and get loved in spite of it. It helps though if we love ourselves first. Sounds like you are having a hard time with that. But I bet if I met you I could find plenty there that was good. So look inside yourself. Look for that good stuff. That will be the weapon that will help you conquer some of your fear.

    • Cynthia, thank you for your comment and for reading my blog. What a light your comment is to me this evening. I do need to learn to love myself. A few people have mentioned me being my own best friend, I am working on that.
      Thank you for your positivist and support; I needed light in my life this evening! I wish you a wonderful new year and many blessings!

  12. meesha says:

    I too fear some of the things on your list

  13. robin claire says:

    Wow!!!
    That’s quite a list. Sometimes it really helps to get it down on computer paper – and out of our heads.
    robin

  14. SHAMIM RAZAQ says:

    Lot of people can relate to fears (believe me, personal experience) -It would be very nice to hear what your hopes for the future are so that we all can relate and share a positive outlook too. 🙂

  15. chelseydmonroe says:

    I would write a list of my one, and yet you have 90% of the things I have! It’s funny when you realize that others see the world as you do.

  16. In the midst of anxiety it can seem impossible to control your emotions… but you have come a long way and can continue to be strong!

  17. steps2healing says:

    Wow…I feel like I was reading snippets from my own life. We are not alone on this journey and that is refreshing to know. If your family is like mine, you will never make them happy. In fact, the stronger you become the less happy they will be. They need to be put on a pedestal. They need the attention to boost their own self worth. They are so small compared to you.

    Count your blessings today! Smile a lot! Remind yourself how amazing you are!
    Merry Christmas! I will be thinking of you!

    • Thank you so much steps2healing, YOU rock. We are not alone, it is such an amazing feeling to be able to connect with that level of thought and find comfort. I hope you enjoyed Christmas and have a wonderful new year!

  18. abrown1301 says:

    Take a sheet of paper. Draw a line down the middle. On the left side, list all these fears. On the right side, list all the things about you that reflect the positive side of the same coin. Your sweetness, despite everything. Your courage. How you got out of bed that day to try again. Everything that helps make you shine, even when you don’t think you do. Then cut the list in half, and hang the positive list somewhere you will see it every day. On your bathroom mirror, wherever. Look at it. Believe in it. We are all more than the sum of our parts, and without darkness, none of us would recognize the light.

  19. “never finding a man that will love me because I think I am hard to love….I am very complicated and I have many layers….Look at my life.”
    Thank you for reading my blog and for following me. I was lost for 10 years with sth little bit ‘maybe harder’… I was living my hell in others panaromic paradises… All my pain and suffer taught me to fight against my own damons. And finally i reached to a level to succeed to be alive and to be more ‘human’. I’m pretty new in blogging and i was in doubt if i should or could write my past wars; you became my reason to write them down now.
    BE! no matter what, just be…!
    love, sincerely

    • Wow, that is so cool, we can be blog-friends, support each other along the way.

      YES write, so it now…two years you will thank yourself and find that others thank you too! Blogging is a gift and being able to let it all out is an even more beautiful one.

      I am in the process of fighting through my demons; you have given me strength today friend! Thank you for following me and I will be keeping up with you! Take care and have an awesome holiday!

      • You’ll ever know how much important for me this is:) in my country you have to be censored in your whole life if you choose wrong way even once.. Good to have this friendship means so much

  20. Grndma Chris says:

    I was drawn to your site because you stopped by my post and I am very glad you did, do you know you have some terrific stories. I know real experiences are sometimes very challenging to talk about but they also off you a way to vent and gain some kind of grasp on your life. Glad to meet you lost companion. I hope you don’t mind me following you, I can identify with alot of your posts.Have a very merry christmas.

    • Wonderful to meet you Grndma Chris! Thank you for our tender love and positive words….what a great gift on this Christmas morning. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day today, thank you for reading my blog and for your support!

  21. depco says:

    i get that addiction transforms smokes like stand-in best friends/companions. but there is life beyond them. hard to imagine, i know. but should you choose to go that way you can then divert all that leftover anxiety to foods and behaviors that have the power to undo the damage already done. but i know contemplating such can be like imagining severing a limb, so i don’t recommend it if it creates crazy stress. whatever. smoke if you like. but don’t fear the absence. so much out there to fill in the perceived gap.

    • Thank you Depco, there is a lot out there to fill the gaps…I am working on it.

      Thank you so much for reading my blog and for your encouragement, it really means a lot to me. Happy New Year friend!

  22. blackrose181 says:

    It’s really great that you have an outlet to let your fears out. For me, if I am able to share my fears, they don’t seem quite so invincible .

  23. Fears… they always hurt me…
    I don’t know if I can make a list of them but I can share that most important for me:
    loosing my mom. I lost everything until today. I did wrong choices and I walked through maby wrong ways when I was younger. But there was always her waiting hoping and praying for me. No matter how many days I lost because of my choices, she was there or me. She never gave up on me. She waited… and she’s still waiting for me to re-built my life from my ashes… Thinking all these days we passed, nomore fear can be more accurate and real…

  24. killingdanse says:

    You have read the things that I write, even liked a few of them. You so definitely are not alone. There are people out there who experience things as deeply as you do.

  25. ildestino1 says:

    I love this! nice to meet you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s