Thoughts Before A Walk

I was going to go to work and pick up my paycheck but I decided to stop at a park by my house. Perhaps I should just sit here and write, or maybe I should go for a walk or just sit in the car and listen to music and just be. Either way I must be.

My back and neck hurt tremendously today; I am staying positive. I can do what I want to do all day until 6 pm tonight. I am having dinner at the nursing home that my step-mom’s mother now lives in.


– A reader friend commented on one of my blogs to be my own best friend. That really caught my attention so I am trying to replace my old unhealthy cycle of thinking to I am my own best friend. I have been much more self-oriented  I am trying to not be selfish. I am trying to find peace where I live; this state and home. I am trying to enjoy my time with and without people equally.

I have realized something about myself, I get very anxious before and at the end of things I have to do in my life: work, family events and other obligations that I do and don’t want to do. It’s like I have a big moment of doubt and/or fear that turns in my gut. I find I have to stop myself for a second, breath and tell my inner-self positive affirmations to try to relax. I want to run but I tell myself I have to do what needs to be done and experience what life has put in front of me.

What is my path?

When I am not worrying about things I spend a lot of my time thinking about music, art, sex, writing and blogging.

I am still in the car, the sun just popped out of the gray sky for a minute, bringing be back again. It has been raining here for the last few days. My body has been hurting but the earth has been very good to me.

I am going for a walk in the park now.


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10 Responses to Thoughts Before A Walk

  1. I’m sorry you’re in such pain but I hope you enjoyed your walk and I’m glad to hear that you are taking care of you! xo

  2. i think its important to learn to be able to be happy by ourselves and with our own thoughts. That way we can be independent and content on our own but also be happy with others. I’m sorry your feeling pain and how you feel better. Hope the walk was peaceful!

  3. Hey there,

    I really think it’s so important to remember that you definitely are and need to be your own best friend AND your own personal cheerleader. After all, you came into this world as you and you will leave it as you, too. In the end, you will never be asked, “Why weren’t you so-and-so?” or “Why weren’t you so-and-so’s friend?”…but you’ll only be asked about *you*.

    Thanks for sharing!


    • Thank you for your insight Sunny! Thank you for reading my blog and for the positive reinforcement. YOU ROCK.

      Have a great new year!

      • Hi Victor,

        No problem! I like reading good blogs and seeing how other people are handling their own life journeys. It always helps to have a little validation along the way ;).

        Here’s to a productive and interesting New Year!


  4. Lucy says:

    Boy, I admire your bravery in voicing what you are going through. There is a clarity in your writing that is both simple and profound. Thank you for writing, and for your courage. And yes, please do be a best friend to yourself! I am working on that, too. If we can be at home with ourselves, then we can be at home anywhere.

  5. Joe Franich says:

    Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and aid others like you helped me.

  6. vivalakatastrophic says:

    I Lost my father too. I know that pain of not having him for Christmas.

    2012 was my “getting to be my own best friend” year. It feels amazing once you get into a routine of loving yourself. I started by having appetizers at different restaurants by myself. Finding new things to eat in new places is always the best way to start, I feel. Good luck!

    • Cool, thank you….I will make 2013 my “getting to be my own best friend” year!

      I am sorry about the loss of your father…we are not alone. Virtual hug your way!

      Thank you so much! Have a GREAT NEW YEAR!

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