I was going to go to work and pick up my paycheck but I decided to stop at a park by my house. Perhaps I should just sit here and write, or maybe I should go for a walk or just sit in the car and listen to music and just be. Either way I must be.
My back and neck hurt tremendously today; I am staying positive. I can do what I want to do all day until 6 pm tonight. I am having dinner at the nursing home that my step-mom’s mother now lives in.
– A reader friend commented on one of my blogs to be my own best friend. That really caught my attention so I am trying to replace my old unhealthy cycle of thinking to I am my own best friend. I have been much more self-oriented I am trying to not be selfish. I am trying to find peace where I live; this state and home. I am trying to enjoy my time with and without people equally.
I have realized something about myself, I get very anxious before and at the end of things I have to do in my life: work, family events and other obligations that I do and don’t want to do. It’s like I have a big moment of doubt and/or fear that turns in my gut. I find I have to stop myself for a second, breath and tell my inner-self positive affirmations to try to relax. I want to run but I tell myself I have to do what needs to be done and experience what life has put in front of me.
What is my path?
When I am not worrying about things I spend a lot of my time thinking about music, art, sex, writing and blogging.
I am still in the car, the sun just popped out of the gray sky for a minute, bringing be back again. It has been raining here for the last few days. My body has been hurting but the earth has been very good to me.
I am going for a walk in the park now.