I hope for a lot of things

I’m sitting in a Burgerking parking lot listening to music and blogging. I just spend the last hour in my car online figuring out school stuff. I am excited about school. I called my grandpa in Colorado a few hours ago, I felt sad I was here and not there.

My grandparents are having a little college football party with some family members. I got to talk to two of my cousins and my grandpa for a few min. When I hung up the phone I wanted to cry…I miss so much about my old life. I know it’s the past but when I know what I was a part of and I am no longer a part of it my heart breaks. I miss being a part of that. When I was in Colorado and living with my grandparents I took advantage of it and didn’t realize how lucky I was. The way things go here, in the south, are very different. I don’t feel a part of so something, I feel alone. My granddad is pretty cool and when I am with him and his wife I feel more at home. I miss my grandparents but after feeling sad I started to thing…

The whole experience and the feelings I had after I hung up the phone made me think about how blessed I am to have school. I am such an independent soul and now I get to be independent and go to school. The fact that I am going to drive three hours a day, 4 days a week is a blessing. It will be me time and music time-drive time. I get to take classes I love. I start school next Wednesday. I get to work with a great elderly couple. I plan on moving back to Denver after I get my degree. I am on a journey of self discovery. I can take this time to become healthy.

I hope to get school over with in a year and a half. I hope for a lot of things….

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10 Responses to I hope for a lot of things

  1. Good luck with school.

  2. jackofalltrades21 says:

    I commend you for moving away (geographically) so soon after your dad’s death. It’s been two years since my mom died and I still have trouble thinking of moving away. I actually turned down a job just because it meant leaving. I’m sorry about your dad and I’m sorry that you’re homesick, but you are definitely still a part of your “old life.”

    My best advice to you for dealing with your grief: Try to remember your dad with a smile.
    The best (and most true) advice I was given: It’s going to be tough when people in your life stop asking you how you’re doing and stop seeming to care about your situation. It’ll infuriate you that the world moved on. That’s the toughest stuff.

    I think writing saved my sanity, I hope it does the same for you. And “being your own best friend” and other kinds of Self-Care are hugely important.

    The pain of missing them softens eventually. Good luck with school and the coming year.

    • Hi jackofalltrades21, thank you for reading my blog and commenting. I didn’t actually move after my father died, he passed in Nov, I am still on the South. I moved to the Southern part of the US this summer to get to know my father.

      I am sorry to hear that your mother died a few years ago, I hope you are well friend. Thank you for your advice and loving words! Happy New Year!!!

  3. dedepuppets says:

    Bookmark this post, or better print it out and keep it in your diary… For those days, when school get tough! It will, but don’t forget it is only a fleeting moment, you are on the right track… good luck!

  4. How great that you are returning to school! I went to college in the South, at Tulane down in New Orleans. It was amazing! At first, I didn’t feel like I belonged, but after I got to know people, I realized that there were people like me who felt the same way I did, who had been through many of the same things I had, including abuse and neglect, and were looking for friends, too. Keep your options open! Have a wonderful time!

  5. Amazing, you see the good and you hope! xo

  6. Good for you! It’s a great thing you are doing, being independent and going to school and working on yourself. Best of luck! I know missing family is hard and sucks but hopefully after school you can all be reunited and it much better place mentally, emotionally and financially.

  7. robin claire says:

    Hi Leslie,
    I’m passing on the “Very Inspiring Blog” award to you.
    You can get your award at this site.


    robin claire

  8. Kathy says:

    Best wishes for a great school year. I work from home most of the time, but sometimes drive to the main office – a 6 hour round trip. This is my time of peace, away from the noise of my family. I listen to music. I think of my mom. I cry because it’s the only place I can cry without my kids seeing my sadness. It’s my time to think of my life and all that it’s become – good and bad. Take care.

    • Hi Kathy, I totally understand personal time in the car, I am looking forward to taking advantage of my time and enjoy it like you do. I hope you have a wonderful new year! Thank you for reading my blog and commenting. I wish you and your family well!

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