I was listening to country music today and thought about you. When my dad died I WANTED a hug from you so badly but that turned to great sadness that you are no longer a father to me. I loved you like I did my father.
The day I confronted you about having sex with my brother was on of the worst days of my life, right next to my dad dying. More died in me that day than any other day of my existence. Not only did a father that I loved for ten years become the most disgusting man in existence to me, my brothers innocence was ripped from him like mine was and I was not there all of those years to help him.
My point in this is not to thrash out at you, you have to live with yourself. My sadness is at the fact that my fathers death brought a lot of feelings up from my past and I feel that writing this letter will help me. You may not have even gotten this far, this letter is not intended to relieve the pressure in your soul.
I miss my father so much as I did the day you died in me.
My sister told me that you said you were sorry my father died, I did appreciate that. I was honored to be there when your mother died. I will never forget sitting in right next to you in a pew at your mothers funeral. You put your arms around me and said you are not my step-daughter, you are my daughter. You had your arms wrapped around me as I layed my head on your chest. I was just a kid and you were my hero. You were the dad I always wanted. I lost faith in humanity the day my brother told me you had been rapeing him.
When I moved to Alabama last summer I had a moment like that with my father. I was having a hard time with some things going on and vented to him. He came over to me as I was crying and held me, like a daddy would a little girl. I sobbed in his arms in anger and frustration about life as he held me.
I was so proud to be a daddy’s girl with you. I didn’t get to be a daddy’s girl but he was by buddy. I miss him like I missed you for so long.
I hope that you can live a good life.