I can’t live a lie when it comes to spirituality above all!

I have an inner battle going on inside of me right now. I do not believe in what my step-mother believes in. I don’t agree with the church and their teachings.

I have decided my stance on abortion is this: I do not agree with abortion but I believe so strongly in the right we have as individual human beings to make our won choices…who is the government or a religion to tell me what I can and can not do?

I believe we are ALL created equal and in that equality love is the most powerful force to be fought. Who am I to tell someone they are not aloud to be with another? Who am I to?

Is it not crazy what is going on under the microscope? I know I was meant to be something, what is it? Perhaps I am here only to tell my story.

My inner battle: I want to stop going to church with my step-mom but I feel like aΒ hypocrite.Β I feel like I am living a lie I can’t keep up. I don’t know if a lie can be communication. I only go to make her happy. I do it because I care too much what she thinks. I care because she holds my education in her hands. I do it because I don’t want to start waves but my inner being screams inside because I am not being true to me, to my core beliefs…my being. Where does the line end? When do I say something or do I at all? I want to stop worrying about what she thinks and if I am pleasing her or not. It is hard to continue something I have quickly grown to hate more and more. I don’t hate the church, I hate religion and what it does to the people. I have seen all too much misuse of what an unconditional act is in the name of being a christian. I walk just as beautiful a path if not even more because I yearn for the truth, not an answer from a text book passed down by a generation…as it is all across the world. We need a universal oneness; I know is too much to ask.

I may talk to my step-mom and tell her how I feel, I was advised not to. I can’t live a lie when it comes to spirituality above all!

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79 Responses to I can’t live a lie when it comes to spirituality above all!

  1. anthonyhellmann says:

    The only truth that matters is what you believe. I can relate to your pain. I sat my mom down at thirty-five and clearly said what I believed and that I would never allow her to hurt me again.
    People enter a state called automatic pilot and they just repeat what they know. Once you make them aware they look at thing differently.
    Open her eyes due it from a positive place and with good intent and she will understand.
    Universal Unity would be amazing but as long as greed and power combined with ego exist we are far from this reality.

    Namaste

    The Pinto Spirit

  2. Geez, I hear ya on the pressure you feel to please your step mom. It, too, is very difficult to please my mother–she is very critical of me and I tend to get lost it that, let it interrupt my goals, how I feel about myself…

    You seem to have an intuitive sense about yourself and what you believe–your core–and that is tremendous, a grounding, your home base. And writing, blogging is such a great outlet for grief and frustration. Keep writing!

  3. areed090290 says:

    I don’t believe all religion is bad, nor do I believe all Christian’s are right. I’ve seen some pretty hateful, spiteful ignorant Christians out there. Whoever you believe in, whatever it may be, stick true to it. My serious thought is this, God takes many forms. Allah, Buddah, God, you know what I mean? He’s everywhere, and he’s everything. Your step mom should understand that though, that you aren’t happy. I hope everything goes alright for you!!!

  4. Biblis Vox says:

    Random idea which you should feel free to totally ignore as I don’t know your step-mother or anything about your church for that matter! But what if you start approaching attending church with her differently: disassociate yourself a little and approach it as a thinker or as an anthropologist and an opportunity to think through what you do or don’t believe and why that is. Listen to the readings, sermons and songs and consciously parse which bits you agree with and which you do not – go further and try to figure out why. At some point you might find that you’ve defined what you do believe in more clearly for yourself, and maybe at that point you’ll feel confident enough in that to express it to your step-mother and to seek a place (or no place) that more accurately matches your spiritual needs. You’ve clearly thought a lot about this and I understand that participating in something in which you don’t feel you have a choice (for lots of reasons) can drive you crazy (it would me) – but if you believe weigh up the potential negative and positive ramifications of telling your step-mother and the negative outweigh the positive, I think it might be possible to just adjust the way you go into church, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally each Sunday that will help you get through it while also holding onto your sanity.

    • AWESOME, that is pretty much the path I am on. I decided not to “confront” her, I need to take time to figure it all out for me. I love what you said, “approach it as a thinker” !!!!

      You said exactly what I decided to do, at this point I don’t want to create waves. I can go and be a part of it, tho I don’t agree…Gives me time to think! Thank you so much for your suggestion, I am taking it and running with it. πŸ™‚

  5. BlaqMale says:

    This is a great post; thank you for being transparent. As you read in my post, my brother was an ordained preacher, and he was a great preacher! He struggled with addiction. Once he hit bottom, God removed the scales, and he never submitted to religion again.

    Often, I would ask him to come to church, and on occasion he would oblige. However, most often he would say, “My ministry is with the addicts on the street.” I thought it was a cop-out.

    Two days before, my 30th birthday, my brother/ bestfriend died unexpectedly. I preached for his funeral. In the crowd, my family saw at least 250 people we’d never seen before. After the service, many of those people approached me and thanked me for acknowledging AA & NA in my message. They also share that my brother saved lives and encouraged people.

    At that moment, God began to remove the scales of religion from my eyes also.

    For me, I couldn’t stand to hear the racism from the pulpit. Growing up in a black baptist church, I always heard about the horror “whitey” imposed on black folk. For the most part, it’s all true. HOWEVER, worship is not the time to discuss that. WORSHIP is a time to focus on God.

    Daily, I face racism. Yet, I belong to a predominantly white church; from beginning of worship, till the end, the only person on the agenda is Jesus. I have encountered racism at church, but every church is flawed because humans are the population of every church. Jesus is the reason of my worship–not any person.

    I share my story to hopefully encourage you to not give up on the church, although you may need to find a different place to worship. Religion is fills you with guilt (from your step-mother), not Christ. He is speaking to you because of the inner battle. You are responsible for your relationship with Christ, not your step-mom.

    Lostcompanion, I hope you don’t leave the church; I hope you find a suitable place to worship.

    Yours,

    Blaq Male

    • Thank you Blaq,

      First of all thank you for taking the time to share your story with me. You have an amazing story, I greatly respect where you are coming from and your strength. Your brother was an amazing man; a true best-friend to what sounds like many.
      I am open right now to where ever my path leads me.
      Thank you for reading my blog and for sharing some of you with me.

  6. Hello, thank you for following my post and taking time to read my blog. I hope you don’t mind and allow me to say this-Christianity, personally is not a religion. It is a personal relationship. I agree with you about not wanting religion as religion most of the time turn people off and gives Christianity a bad name. In fact it was religion that killed Jesus. Going to church to please someone is as bad as beating a child to go to school to learn. Talk to your step mom and be honest about what you feel. Christianity is not imposed, We can only share and pray. God wouldn’t be pleased seeing someone going to church and resenting it, lying about it etc, that is not His purpose. He gave us freewill to decide, that is how God operates. Just remember that freedom comes with responsibility and we bear the consequences -good or bad. I pray that you will get the guidance and support you need. Don’t worry about a thing, Jesus loves you πŸ™‚

  7. Thanks for visiting my blog. Perhaps going to church is living a lie to your spirituality, but what about making your stepmother happy? That isn’t a lie. Surely, you want to do that, Your “spirituality” can wait until you aren’t beholden to her financially. If you live under her roof (physically or metaphorically), you must follow her rules.

    Personally, I’m honest about what I believe and don’t believe, but I keep it in unless asked about it (with the exception of my blogging, which is free for anyone to read, but I’m not bashing it down anyone’s throat). Be true to yourself privately unless asked about it. If they are sincere in asking, they won’t be offended by your answer. They may try to talk you out of it, but just listen and say what your heart tells you is right.

    Living the truth is a compromise. As you say, you are against abortion, but you defend a person’s right to choose it. That’s a contradiction (though a stance I agree with), but you have made a compromise. Which truth compromises you most? If you alienate your stepmother, then you lose her support. That causes real strain. Tell yourself that you are going to church because your stepmother wants you to. That’s the truth. It won’t hurt you.

    • Thank you friend, I appreciate you reading my blog and for your comment. I didn’t get to your comment until after I talked to my step-mom. Your advise is what I feel I had been doing but it was too much for me, I needed to be honest with her. I would rather struggle and be honest about my spirituality and live with the consequences.

      I respect where you are coming from. Thank you for taking the time to share with me how you feel!

  8. Hi, I am not very good at giving advice, so I wish the best for you. Religion should always be a personal choice and no one should be judged for it. I understand your frustration, because I am not big on visiting places of worship either. But I can say this from experience: when I am obligated by some reason to visit a place of worship, I try to ignore the outer aspects of what it stands for and look at it as a place to get some quiet time. In case you decide against talking to your step-mom about it, perhaps this might help. Hope you find a solution.

    • Cool, thank you. I did talk to her…I told her how I felt and that it was not personal. So far so good. I am trying a different church on Sunday. Thank you for commenting friend, Namaste!

  9. Be happy, it is an attitude and it is yours to do with what you want to. Go with your step-mom to church and look for the positives in all that you do. Everything is a learning experience. Every person can help you grow. Be kind, be loving be patient and tolerant, be forgiving and be the person your Higher Power wants you to be. Family is the best teacher because the love is unconditional. Even the strongest stone will eventually be worn smooth by the softest drop of water. Love, hugs and prayers…ME and the Boss

  10. alslaff says:

    It was nice after an absence to write today and receive your like and follow on Shift Key. I took a break in November because I was attending Mending the Soul (See mendingthesoul.org and my other blogs and poems about abuse (The Boy in the Mirror). Abuse as a child impacted everything – every thought, every action – my whole life. It colored everything I did, thought, didn’t do, or didn’t think. It made me isolated and angry (abuse does that). I learned about my childhood sexual abuse for the first time many years ago when I was 50 – late in life. But healing is most welcome and ongoing. It appears from your writing that you have both the desire and courage to heal. And that is good. In my opinion, the three of us hate religion – you, me, and God. I’m enjoying your site. Thanks.

    • Thank you so much Alslaff, I greatly appreciate you reading my blog and for taking the time to write to me. It is nice to talk to another who understands. I enjoy your site very much! Take care of yourself, blessings to you!

  11. Stand up for your beliefs! I was raised roman catholic by strictly believing parents, it didn’t stop my 16 year old self from lecturing them on how I believed evolution was a fact and merely another example of how God works in the world. It took a while, but one day I realized that my words did not go unheard as my parents began to question the church more than themselves (though I cannot lay claim to this change, my words probably helped). My point is that you will gain more than you could lose (your education), and it might do some good for your stepmother!

  12. Grndma Chris says:

    You poor thing, it will be fine if you quit…here is what happened to me. After my divorce I started going to my daughter’s church, and after about 6 months I knew it wasn’t the church for me and that I too felt like a hypocrit. I felt awful when I quit, but I just explained to her that it simply wasn’t the church for me, it may her church, but I simply don’t feel it’s right for me. She understood and we agreed to disagree when it came to her church’s doctrine and we rarely talk about it to this day. I support her church beliefs and she respects mine.
    You just need to be honest with her and explain it and she will either get over it or she will hold a grudge…but it won’t be for long, because you are YOUR OWN person. Get out and seek out the church for you, it’s like a man, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

  13. Justine says:

    Interesting article. Be yourself. Let us take responsibility for our own life. This is a benevolent Universe. Those who need a God let them have it. Those who can stand on their own let them do it. This Universe is Free. We can relish it in whatever way we choose. And all is well lostcompanion!

  14. It is important to be true to yourself. Hate is never healthy and never the responsibility of anyone except the one who knows it, who has is within their self. Perhaps your use of the word, hate, was not so literal. At twenty-eight it is important to be your own woman. Perhaps there is a way to share that you have found your spiritual path outside of your step-moms religious home.

    You brought up abortion and that can be a very sensitive issue for some. I share your view on it. There are many concerns entangled in that decision and it is best left to a woman, her doctor and her loved ones. If your step-mom has strong feelings about this or other hot-button issues it may be best to skirt those issues and remind her of your love for her as well as for the spiritual life that calls to you. I do not think it is healthy, if you feel as strongly as it seems from reading your post, to go on without change. Some way to find comfort even if it is just to consider your situation differently, otherwise it may well be that you will act out how you feel. That I am afraid may be harmful to relations with your step-mom.

    Be strong, not just for you, but for your loved ones.

    • Cool, thank you MT! This really helps a lot. I did tell my step-mom and she seemed okay with it, we shall see.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and comment, it means the world. Blessings to you friend!

  15. I don’t talk a lot about this but I’m a Christian. I walked away from the church for a long time, and that’s when things became real for me. Right now I’m not going to church either (long story) anyway, there is nothing wrong with questioning and finding your own path. If you never do, nothing will ever be real, just fake, you’re only trying to people please. Does that make sense?

  16. it has to be your choice, not your step mothers.

  17. James says:

    Everybody struggles with their spirituality, at least those people who take it seriously (some people just sit in the pew Sunday after Sunday and don’t really think much about it). I struggle with faith every day (and I write about it every day). You aren’t experiencing God unless the encounter makes you feel a little bit edgy (from my point of view, anyway).

    No one can tell you what you believe. Each person negotiates their own personal relationship with God. I have a very specific relationship with Him which involves a specific theological framework, but that probably wouldn’t help you very much unless you’re interested in exploring my perspective. Ultimately, you have to discover who God is and who you are in Him for yourself. I will say I believe in an objective God, that is, a God who exists independently of what people think He is and all of the different religious traditions we have. We don’t make God in our own image.

    I do know that if you sincerely desire to know God and to seek Him, he won’t hide from you.

  18. While I am a Christian I believe you need to believe for yourself and not because someone else expects you to. It’s too bad that you can’t really talk with your step-Mom and explain some of the reasons you are thinking like you are. She may surprise you and understand..and even have some words of wisdom…Although not knowing her that is just speculation on my part. If there is some part of you that is questioning about God’….go directly to Him and tell him of your questions. Religiosity is very different than Christianity…. In any case you’re under a strain the way things are and I think you need to talk about it…Just some thoughts…Diane

  19. Zhourelle says:

    Hello, I’m not religious, and the concept of being pressured about your beliefs and core foundations frightens me. I believe every individual should seek their own truth rather than having it thrust upon them. I know it’s a great world wide debate, but there is some extremely useful information out there. Good luck πŸ™‚

  20. eternallyhopeful says:

    It’s important to talk to your step mom. Part of coming to faith is asking questions. When I was in high school, my thought was one of the best things about graduating is I’d never “HAVE” to go to church again. And, I didn’t once I graduated. A lot of stuff happened, yet through all of the stuff, God’s hand was always on me. I questioned everything. In the questioning, God led me to the truth. Part of faith is takng the journey. If you are honestly seeking for truth, God will lead you to truth. It is about relationship, and not about religion. Though, the church does help us to grow closer to Christ and is needed for accountability, teaching, where we can serve others, etc. But, to do it only because you “HAVE” to is with the wrong heart. Maybe there is a church that will better fit your needs. Perhaps, you can pray to God where He may lead you so that you can grow nearer to Him, or if you don’t believe explore a seeker sensitive church or one that has groups for those asking the hard (but very important) questions. I would have never found truth if I wasn’t allowed to ask the hard questions. Keep asking and Keep seeking the truth. God Bless! Roxanne

    • Heidi Cooper says:

      I would want my daughter to be open with me. I would feel guilty if she was that miserable going to church with me. As a parent, I just want my kids to be happy. I am very open minded and accepting though. I grew up in a strict Catholic family, turned Baptist and now I am not affliated with any church. I would hope you could talk to your step-mom and tell her you would like to find your own way. I know my family was disappointed in my decision to leave the church but they still love me and watch me live a good, honest life. Just because I don’t go to church doesn’t mean I’m not a good person.

  21. viveamoure says:

    I can definitely relate to this. When I was fourteen I joined an awesome church that was all about community service and equality. My family’s never really been into the church thing, but I loved it so much that I went alone 6 days out of the week. I thought it was awesome that people who followed a book that shunned so many things/people could be so open and loving towards everyone no matter what their beliefs or lifestyles. Then we moved to Texas and my family decided that going to church together would be a great thing, but the second time we went, the pastor made a remark about how homosexuality was evil and we should steer clear of anyone that followed that path. It was so opposite of what I believed religion should be and I immediately stopped going. Since then, I’ve sought out my own meaning of what spirituality should be and how to interpret my religion in my own life. It’s hard to turn away from the church, but I think that by finding your own spiritual balance you’ll become such a better person – after all, it is a very personal thing. I think it’s better to have that talk with your stepmother and find your own path before you begin to resent your faith altogether. Good luck! πŸ™‚

    • Cool, thank you friend. I agree with you. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience!!!

      I did get a chance to talk to her, it seemed to go well πŸ™‚ Thank you for your support!

  22. Mr. Josh says:

    God draws those to Himself when the seek Him. We have to discover him for ourselves and only His Spirit can do that. No man can take the credit. Keep seeking.

  23. laeliahunt says:

    Hello! Just wanted to share what I do as it kind of reminds me of my father and I. My father LOVES Jesus and his church. I on the other hand, very opposite opinions. I don’t hate religon or do big rants against what they preach etc, I just have my views and he has his. He’d love me to be an attend church every Sunday kinda lady but realizes that there’s a good chance I won’t be going down that path. In saying that, I’m not opposed to going to church with him every Sunday. I have zero problems with sitting there, listening to sermons every Sunday with my Dad, singing along with the songs, knowing full well that I don’t believe any of it and completely disagree with a good quarter of it. The people at the church are lovely people. Probably some of the best christians I’ve ever met in my life. When I’m there, I’m respectful and courteous. I never air my views about what is preached or taught because that’s their church and their space. I get to do something with my father that he loves, even though he knows that I don’t hold the same values. This is important to him so it’s important to me so it’s what we do. He never does the whole big speeches about “you need to give your heart to Jesus” etc. We know where we stand and we acknowledge the situation for what it is. Some people might think this is pretty fake and that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. Luckily for me it’s a free country and so I continue to do what I like regardless. I don’t feel what I’m doing is wrong, ridiculous, two faced or any of that kind of thing. Neither does my father (he’s always hoping that continual exposure to the word of God will one day change my mind). I do feel that what I’m doing is supportive and caring. I know there are alot of people out there that support people in whatever situation they find themselves in whether its potentially going through with an abortion or proceeding with a divorce so I don’t really pay any mind to some of the really weird diatribes that might come out about social issues (I just feel sad when I hear it). The church (actually, churches and all sorts of denominations and faiths) go about their business as they have been doing for centuries and centuries. Trying to get people to be the best that they can be. That’s essentially what they want. How they go about it is just different and sometimes (for better or worse) a bit extreme. Whatever you choose to do in this situation is up to you. It doesn’t have to make sense or look right or feel right for anyone else. Whatever your answer is to this, it just has to be right for you. Hopefully it has worked out. And if you’re still thinking about what to do, I hope your heart leads you to where you want and need to go πŸ™‚

  24. It’s not that you are not being true to yourself it’s the evil in this world that is screaming at you not to give your life to God. It’s called spiritual battle. When you give your life to Christ he heals you from within only he can heal you and only he can change you. You mite not realise this but God is always with you whether you have answered his call or not he is continually knocking. God heals God loves and Anything with him is possible. Things that I have carried with me are no longer my hindrance they don’t phase me as much anymore and thy is God working his power on my heart. Believe me when I gave my life to Christ my inner being was screaming but the moments and love I have felt from our God has carried me through the darkest moments of my life. Without him I wouldn’t be here. God gave u free will in hope we would be good and he have us a law thou shalt not kill, any creation is a creation from God and it pains him when one of us dies especially when they aren’t saved so it pains him when someone chooses to kill a baby that God created whether someone wants it or not but God has everything planned out and an answer for every situation. The Bible gives comfort in all situations, give God a chance and see the way he can change and move your life. He is amazing! You soon learn its not about what others thinks its about what God thinks of you. And he thinks everyone of us is perfect everyone is made the way he intended and everyone of us is loved unconditionally. His love endures, his love is unfailing and he cares and wants to bless you. God Bless and I hope one day you find your peace

  25. cshowers says:

    Dear Lost Companion,

    I’m a Christian, and the pain and turmoil you are going through shines through your post. I would like to share some hope with you. You will not find God as long as you are trying to please your stepmother or any other person, because He doesn’t have any stepchildren or grandchildren. He wants you to seek Him for yourself, and not for the sake of others. You see, as crazy as it sounds, my friend, God longs for you to know Him and love Him personally, not based on what others say that you should do.

    My friend, as far as your beliefs about right and wrong, the truth is that God’s ways are not our ways… He doesn’t think the way we think… His thoughts are far above our thoughts, because He is the Creator, and we are the Created… He sees the whole picture, while we only see part of the picture. Don’t let my thoughts, or your thoughts, or your stepmother’s thoughts, or the thoughts of your friends and blogging friends sway you, my friend.

    If you really want to find God, you will. Look at what He says in His word, “I love those who love Me, And those who seek Me diligently will find Me.” (Proverbs 8:17 NKJV) You see, my friend, sometimes people and religion make finding God so much harder than it needs to be. Some people will tell you that you have to follow this rule or that rule to find Him, but that’s not what His word says. He just says, “If you seek Me, you will find Me.” It’ just that easy.

    If you want to find Him, start looking for Him on your own. Pray to Him, and ask Him to show Himself to you. Cry out to Him, and ask Him to help You. Ask Him to speak to You, and then listen… Look for Him, not for the rules and regulations, but for Him. The scriptures tell us a lot about God, and often, He will speak to you from there… Sometimes He will speak to you in your heart and in your thoughts… And sometimes He even speaks to us audibly.

    All you need to do is pray, look for Him and listen… He will reveal Himself to you if you really want to know Him. I promise you, because when I stopped looking for a religion, and started looking for Him, I found Him…

    Start looking for God right now, wherever you’re at. Look for Him in your stepmother. Look for Him in her church. And if you don’t find Him there, look for Him in the car when you leave the church. Look for Him until you find Him. God doesn’t lie. He said those who seek Him diligently (that means constantly, painstakingly, persistently) will find Him. I am praying that you begin to diligently seek Him, because when you do, you will find Him.

    May God bless you in your search, my friend.

    With much love,
    Cheryl

  26. Rob says:

    The only truth and growth is that which is found behind your very eyes…all else fades into the great expanse of otherness and has utterly nothing to do with soul. One day at a time my friend.

    • That is beautiful Rob, thank you so much!

      • Rob says:

        It only took 49 years to figure that out! We are all here for one another. Karin and I have been through our own struggles and creted this blog to be with others in like kind and follow the path in unison wherever that path may lead us; hopefully back into the universe that is us!

  27. I had much the same argument/discussion with my father when I was 15. In the end, I no longer had to go to church. Many years have passed since then, and I am now an atheist. I no longer believe in invisible beings, and I’m much the happier because of it. Religion is a tool used by those in power to control the masses. It was created as such and continues to be wielded with great force and effectiveness. The sooner people realize these are fairy tales, the better. That being said, I wish you well on your journey of enlightenment. Keep an open mind, never stop questioning, and good luck to you!

  28. kocorina says:

    I lost my faith in the church a long time ago. At the time I was too young to really understand the teachings and left because I found it boring, but since then my mind has only been made up more! I am an incredibly spiritual person but the church abondonded my Gran when she needed them most, a devouted christian and a strong point in the community, when she became ill and couldnt attend anymore, no one visited her. But that is just my opinion.
    I think you need to do what is right for you, maybe find a compromise with your stepmum, so that she knows and can undertsand. Sometimes you need to take a break from it all, so you can step back and see the bigger picture, maybe this is all you need? I had a break from all forms of religion whilst in secondary school and now that I am back I have never felt more at piece. I am not christian and find the church very hypocritical but the path I have found is one I found by myself, and it has brought me contentment and happiness and many friends.
    I hope you find your answers! Good Luck and remember, you are the most important in your life, so make sure you are doing what is right for you first, only then can you help others!
    XxxX

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me!

      I love and GREATLY appreciate your support….I needed to hear this today- ” you are the most important in your life, so make sure you are doing what is right for you first, only then can you help others!”

      I wish all the best for you in your journey friend!

  29. disastress says:

    religion creeps me out: oops, i just gave my opinion. it’s not god or the myriad deities we can choose from – man, who could gripe with those guys? they seem pretty nice to me… it’s the human beings blindly shoving their ideologies down our throats because they are “right,” – the ego is laced too tightly in those threads and i’ll weave my own fabric, thanks. anybody that actually understands AA, knows that the “higher power” isn’t limited to one dude or religion; or religion at all, for that matter. your higher power could be Ganesh for all we know. it’s awfully presumptuous for us to assume christianity is the religion du jour all up in this place – it’s none of our fucking business to tell you who or what to seek solace in. glory! it’s a big, big world. i’m not even saying i’m an atheist. i’m not saying much at all – just fly free and do what you gotta do.

  30. I hadn’t attended a church for at least 10 years, feeling exactly like you do. I had begun to research the Dead Sea Scrolls, trying to discover the original stories and TRUTH of what’s in the Bible today. I found many books the past leaders and catholic popes had left out, anyway, I discovered that to follow Jesus I didn’t need to go to a church. I sing to Him in my car, along with a Christian Rock station. I pray for His help daily, hourly sometimes, I commune with Him in Nature. and I generally follow as many of the the commandments Jesus taught as I can. His first being LOVE. period. it’s the hardest of all and the most important. So when my Mother insisted at Christmas I attend her church with her, I went. no worries. I sang my praises to God, which was the only reason I was there…and it was all good. it took me years to realize how much I disliked the hypocracy, the ones who attend church but couldn’t give a shit about others any other day of the week….it used to make me so angry. But then I realized, He wanted me there to BE the light. To show love, no matter where I am, and I try to do this each day instead of just once a week.
    Spirituality is basically the same, you believe in being good to others, caring, sharing, not murdering, etc., all basically the ten commandments, that the Spirituality movement follow, even if they say they don’t believe in God, they do believe in being a good human.
    Maybe if you explain it to her, she will see that you’re an adult and have your own ideas and ways to be a good person.
    and ps….in the Bible, the original Sabbath days were on the quarter moons of each month..not a sunday or saturday. they evolved into this over the centuries. And Jesus said “whenever two or more are gathered in his name, He is there,” so maybe you can tell her when you spend time with her, talking of Jesus, or God, or just spirituality, this can be your church time.
    Or maybe remember like I do, my Mom is old, set in her ways, and in trying to honor and cherish her sometimes I do things for her that I wouldn’t do for anyone else….. love me ma …and same goes for my stepdad, he raised me, so i give him honor for that when ever I can.
    Good luck, it’s a tough one. πŸ˜‰

  31. annalbanana says:

    While I grew up in a church setting my whole life, it wasn’t until I discovered God for myself that He became real to me… No one could tell me what to believe. I had to know it & figure it out for myself. I now read my Bible every day, and I find myself so hungry for His Word. I yearn for a greater understanding of Who He is & who I’m supposed to be as a Christian. It’s a lifestyle, a relationship, not a religion.. And churches get that so wrong. I myself don’t like going to church, with the exception of the music part. It just seems so fake, and everyone seems so plastic. It’s exhausting emotionally. Especially when you’re forced to be there. I definitely understand where you’re coming from & will pray for you to find peace. ❀

  32. Donna New says:

    Your blog is pretty, by the way. But to more important things…. There are so many of us who are hypocrites. Mainly because we don’t care about people. Then there are some of us who are hypocrites “innocently” because we’re people and we make mistakes but we really want to be good. Choices are difficult. You seem to be living life making right choices and sincerely. I say you’ll do the right thing.

  33. greg@seek1st says:

    You ask good questions. Keep it up. Please remember: The Church (that is, the spiritual body of Jesus) is a good thing. The problem is that it’s full of people, and throughout history man, sometimes with good intentions, sometimes with evil intentions, has managed to screw up things that God has made. The Good News is that Jesus loves his Church, and is working in it and through it to clean up the mess we keep making. Please don’t judge Jesus and his Church by what a particular congregation says or does. We ALL make mistakes, and fall short of what God intended. That doesn’t mean we give up. In a loving church, we forgive, and keep seeking God in hopes that we’ll continue to become more like him, and as a result, get better at loving others.

    Talk to your step-mom, if you can (sounds like it’s a pretty new relationship, so I can’t tell if you know her well enough to have an idea of how she’ll respond). I’ve been studying and writing a lot about doubt, and how sometimes we don’t handle it so well in church. Hopefully your stepmom and/or her church can engage your doubt. It’s a good thing. It’s necessary, and it’s important. God’s OK with doubt. His Church should be too. I pray that your stepmom or someone else can sit down with you and get to know you, your doubts, and your questions. Not to solve all your problems and answer all your questions, but to show you that Jesus doesn’t require you to have all the answers, and that he loves you.

    • Thank you so much Greg. I really appreciate your perspective and taking the time to share your heart with me. I greatly respect what you have written and your perspective. Christianity can be a beautiful thing, a great thing and a healing thing; I see why some go down that path. Thank you for reading my blog and for commenting, it means a lot to me. Blessings to you friend!

  34. debcorreia says:

    I think through tough conversations comes potential growth. I cannot tell you what to do, but if not speaking is tearing you up inside then ultimately your silence will make you ill. I believe there is a God, but I do not believe in religion – religion that is based upon man-made doctrine. Church was created in my opinion for fellowship,a place where like minded people could gather for inspiration, encouragement, and support. If you are not feeling that then perhaps you might want to rethink where you can get your fellowship. As one of the people posted “where two or more are gathered in my name…” Pray about it. You will know when the time is right.

  35. Is there anything redeeming at this church? Or is it all just preaching politics from the pulpit?

  36. fvbffvbf says:

    One think I’ve learned in life, God is perfectly capable of handling our doubts, our questions, our fears. I think of the scene in Forest Gump when Lt. Dan is up on the mast of the shrimp boat in the middle of a hurricane and he’s screaming and yelling at God, challenging God, and all the darkness and hurt, pain and anger seem to be the reason for the hurricane as it all erupts out of Lt. Dan. Then the ship comes into shore. Peaceful. Sunshine. Surviving what has wiped out the rest. Strong visual for our relationship with our Creator for me. Peace to you.

  37. Number 9 says:

    sounds like i’m late to this rodeo and you’ve gotten it all worked out with your step mother, which is awesome. the only thing that i would add to what’s already been said is to keep an open mind about religion–there is beautiful spirituality, peace, serenity and order in most mainstream religions–Muslim, Jew, Evangelical, Morman or Catholic —it is easy to hate religion; you will have a lot of friends if you do! But maybe you can think outside that box, be open-minded, and figure out what there is to like—look at the similarities and not the differences. I’ll shut up now. Just a different viewpoint. I love your blog and your honesty and your courage to be vulnerable and put yourself out there. i am following you and look forward to reading more. sorry if i’m annoying in this post. it was not my intention! i just get a little defensive which I know is completely my own insecurity. alcoholism is a bitch! so let’s all stay sober today!

  38. Tell her how you feel so long as you don’t let bitterness overcome you!

  39. kestrelart says:

    Thank you for stopping by at my blog. I thought in would share a little of my spirituality, for what it is worth. I chose to be baptized as an adult and taught Sunday school for years. I read and reread the gospels, especially the stark simplicity of Mark. What I do is a sort of ministry, mostly with people facing death. Spirituality looms large in my life, recognising meaning in the disparate fragments of our lives and dealing with this pragmatically so people are better equipped to handle hard hard situations.
    In my heart of hearts, i am sure there is no God and that the powerful glorious Christ story is myth. I rejoice in the majesty of the Universe, the diverity of life, the creative power of evolution, the incredible patterns underpinning fractal reality. What a privilege to be a witness to this, even for such a fleeting moment.
    In the depths of geological time, the vastness of space, i, my career, my ambitions, my anxieties matter not at all: but there is glory in that, in seeing beyond human-made myth, upwards and outwards and inwards.
    And then day to day, what is important? Companionship and love and creativity, fidelity and honesty too. Our values, but without pressure to be seen to be virtuous or to please a hierarchy on this world or in heaven. Acceptance and tolerance for the beliefs of others, this too is important.
    I hope this helps.

  40. JillinoisRN says:

    You have to do what solidifies your sobriety… jmho πŸ™‚ I spent a lot of years trying to live up to the expectations of some folks who I had very little in common with other than having been in the same family. There is no choice in that. But you can only account for your choices and your life- not the step-mom πŸ™‚ Family is hard. But sobriety is SO critical to any other aspects of your life.

  41. A2LSM says:

    I am really enjoying reading your blog! It is nice to know that someone else uses blogging as their form of expression as they continue on their road to recovery. You are an inspiration to me…as I am not nearly as far along on my journey as you are! Thank you again for being authentic and sharing your journey with us!

  42. Rev79 says:

    Thank you for checking out my blog. My journey has been long and in some ways similar to yours. I wish there was a magic answer or quick fix to take the pain away. For the longest time I thought the answer was in something I could pop the top, roll, or chase. It wasn’t. They all cause pain. None of them filled the void within me. When I was 24 I found what I was looking for. My blog will give you some idea of what that journey has been like. You mention a struggle within. Islam calls it “jihad.” True Jihad is that, the struggle within a person. Regardless of what you believe or your “religion”, the struggle is in all of us. Recognize it, embrace it, and keep searching for answers. If you seek with all of your heart, you will find what you are looking for.

  43. Thanks for the “follow”. And in reading your post the first thing that came to me was “tolerance”. Your step mom may want something to share with you – and she doesnt know how to do that but demand you go with her or judge you for not going; neither of which may be true at ALL unless you ask her. If it serves a purpose for you both to go with her, then go and let go of your judgement around what is being said their. Find what you like about it. I learned a phrase in 12 step 20 years ago…”take what you like and leave the rest.” Its served me well. And THEN, go find a church or place YOU LOVE, and are more aligned to, like Unity perhaps? There are always evening sessions during the week or other ways and times to go to things, even if its online. So FIND your community, and dont let your step mom get in the way of that; AND honor your relationship. Show her that you can accept all people and find a good and true message in what SHE believes. Unless she goes to a church where they murder innocent animals – I hope you know what I mean, that was dramatic. You didnt say what kind of church and why its so offensive. Im not a fundamentalist christian, but know many who are my friends. If I go with them, they know my beliefs, but I can still accept them for theirs – just dont try to convert me I tell them with a smile and a laugh. Just another perspective. In light, Spryte

  44. Also, I appreciate your honest writing style!!

  45. A2LSM says:

    Sometimes I get more nervous when a day doesn’t feel like a struggle. It normally means I’m in my comfort zone which isn’t always good πŸ™‚ It’s nice to know to know that someone else is on this recovery journey as well. Blessings to you too

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