It’s Internal

My anger and frustration is internal. There are a lot of hidden reasons for my bitter towards some people in my life.

I feel wrong by being angry and for not wanting to be around certain people. My food is provided, I live rent free and I go to school full-time and it’s all paid for but there is something inside of me that creeps up when I am around those I don’t like…those providing what I have. Am I wrong for feeling like this and how do I attack this anxiety and unsettled feelings?

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19 Responses to It’s Internal

  1. maybe letting yourself feel it is just what you need and once you have, it will let you go?

  2. oldmainer says:

    You say you don’t like being around those that provide for you. Is it possible that your resentment stems from the fact that by providing for you they also call the shots. Perhaps what you are feeling is a lack of control.

  3. Aewl says:

    Part of your anger and bitterness may be the fact you feel guilty and/or not deserving of what they are providing you. You may not be able to change things now, but you can make a written plan on how you are going to be independent. Whenever you have this feelings, review your plan.

    Just remember feelings are not real. It’s okay to feel, just don’t let feelings rule your life.

    By the way, I think you are doing well. Keep it up!

  4. Interestingly enough, until you get rid of the thing that causes you this anger/bitterness, it will always be waiting to ensnare you again. Sometimes you have to let change your environment or get it to move away from you. It is an entanglement often connected to your past. Once done, look for new and better ways to fill that void, or you will call it back to you.

    • Interestingly enough, until you get rid of the thing that causes you this anger/bitterness, it will always be waiting to ensnare you again. Sometimes you have to change your environment or get it to move away from you. It is an entanglement often connected to your past. Once done, look for new and better ways to fill that void, or you will call it back to you.

    • Great, thank you for your insight!!!

  5. I also believe you are feeling guilt and unworthiness. My son is a recovered alcoholic, and he still has the same feelings from time to time. I imagine it is very difficult for you to feel dependent upon someone else. You give up a lot of control and that can make anyone anxious. When will they stop giving me what I need? you may wonder. When will they find out I’m truly not worthy of their friendship and help? The truth is, let people help you. It makes them feel useful.

  6. C.J. Black says:

    No milage in beating yourself up – try making two lists (LIKES & DISLIKES & REASONS FOR SAME) tick them off as they solve themselves. Also keep talking its the only way of exorcising demons.

  7. I know the feeling. Maybe some if it comes from you feeling that because they are paying your way, they have some control over you? Or it could just be as the others have suggested, guilt. Whichever it is, they are your feelings and they are valid. You need to acknowledge them and give them some attention but not too the point of obsession. Sometimes people will just irk you for no apparent reason. Maybe that reason will be known sometime in the future or sometimes not. Doesn’t really matter as long as you do what you need to do for you to fully get where. ou need to be in life.

  8. It depends how close these people are that are giving you all this anxiety. If you need to be around them every day it’s got to be a challenge. When these feelings come can you remove yourself from the situation and do something to offset them …besides blogging that is.

    Do you have a separate living space or bedroom that you can go to? Living constantly with this anxiety is not good so you maybe need to look ‘outside the box’ so to speak and see what options you have.

    Maybe you just need to vent and it will help…and if so vent away!….Take care Diane

  9. Wade Webster says:

    You have a LOT going on in your life right now. Your journey is not an easy one, but, it is one worth sticking to. It’s natural for your emotions to be all over the place.
    Changes are never easy. Some people will do their best to keep those around them from changing just so they don’t have to change. Stick to truth, it will never let you down. Your step-mom will adjust in time. As much as it depends on you, life at peace with others. That doesn’t mean caving in to their every whim. Stay true to yourself.
    I applaud you for trying another church. It sounds like the other one was very controlling. I hope you find one where the people demonstrate Jesus’ love and grace. Church should be a place of solice and acceptance.
    Thank you for bleeding on your blog. We’re here for you. We love you.
    Keep looking up!

  10. Daphne says:

    Make a gratitude list and read it every day!

  11. Julia says:

    Sometimes when I am caught in negative thinking, I try to accept and acknowledge what I feel (as some have suggested here) rather than chastise myself over it; as one friend told me, “what ultimately matters is how you act, not what you feel at any give moment.” Then to break the negative cycle, I find ways to distract myself. For me, without positive distractions, it’s possible to get obsessive about thinking the same sad or negative things over and over, which does no good. Staying busy with something creative or calming is a great way for me to shake these unwanted thoughts. I think you are doing great, best wishes for continued success and staying well!

  12. I know exactly how that is. We can chose our friends but not our family and not our feelings. It just is what it is. Thanks for following me at I’m moving the site to I hope you’ll follow me there 🙂 And I just started a giveaway you might be interested in.

  13. lilicara says:

    You are getting some very good advice in these comments! the only thing i would add kindof plays on what appletonave said…you must know that you are completely worthy of all the help you are receiving. As we move forward, the darkness looks for any opportunity to jump on us and turn our emotions to fear and anger. Your disbelief in your own worth gives it a spot to grab onto and start churning out guilt and anger. If you believe the darkness-guilt and anger- then you will lash out ,which attracts more darkness… the only thing you can do is pay attention to your moods. as soon as you feel the anger or the guilt come on, you put a stop to it immediately! This may sound silly but clap your hands-it disrupts the energy throwing it into chaos- and tell yourself “I reject that anger. I don’t allow it to affect me. I am worthy of peace and love.
    Know that any emotion that doesn’t come from love is not worthy of your attention. When i first started doing this I must have clapped like 100 times a day..but after a few weeks it started to come so naturally, now i almost never get angry or depressed at all…hard to believe but true. hang in there. yuou are not alone. you are loved by the light of the universe!

  14. indu0991 says:

    I don’t think you’re wrong to feel so… Its natural… Even i used to feel the same when was around some people…That was years back… Even i used to get frustrated sometimes even without any reason… I always used to think that there must be a way out.. So what i did was started looking at the positives in those negatives…and now I can handle even the worst situation positively..I think you should also do the same..It will help you not only face those people you don’t like but help you overcome each and every problem successfully..

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