I stopped thinking of my father so much. I recognized I was angry with him and now my relationships are improving, I am improving. I’am trying to accept my life, who I am and the love I have.
I was in bed the other night and it hit me, he is gone. I thought about the progress I have made since he died, since I met him and since I have quit drinking. I feel okay right now.
Last Saturday I sat in my car after I bought a pack of cigarettes and cried. I looked over to the empty seat and cried, “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t! I just can’t.” I sat there and cried. I went my fathers CD’s that he had given me and listened to the songs that reminded me of him. I cried to him. I cried to my creator. I cried for my sisters and step-mom. I cried because I was angry. I cried because I felt alone. Then I drove back to my grandparents house, walked in and looked at two unconditionally loving people that love me….I am not alone!