Not Alone

I stopped thinking of my father so much. I recognized I was angry with him and now my relationships are improving, I am improving. I’am trying to accept my life, who I am and the love I have.

I was in bed the other night and it hit me, he is gone. I thought about the progress I have made since he died, since I met him and since I have quit drinking. I feel okay right now.

Last Saturday I sat in my car after I bought a pack of cigarettes and cried. I looked over to the empty seat and cried, “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t! I just can’t.” I sat there and cried. I went my fathers CD’s that he had given me and listened to the songs that reminded me of him. I cried to him. I cried to my creator. I cried for my sisters and step-mom. I cried because I was angry. I cried because I felt alone. Then I drove back to my grandparents house, walked in and looked at two unconditionally loving people that love me….I am not alone!

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13 Responses to Not Alone

  1. So glad you’re feeling better…take care…Diane

  2. deanabo says:

    I still cry for my dad too…

  3. Beautifully said. In a strange way, grief reminds us we are loved. Blessings,

  4. writerhelenrdavis says:

    Thank you for posting. My father is still alive and this made me appreciate him all the more. I almost lost him to a heart attack though when I was 14. Cherish the time you have with your loved ones, you never know about tomorrow.

  5. Sometimes we just need to cry. Best wishes to you on your journey.

  6. Lisa Neumann says:

    I still cry, usually in the shower so no one notices. Keep up the good work. I love watching you heal. It helps me too.

  7. justbarelysaved says:

    You will make it through under the Creator’s strength and guidance. I pray for your healing ❤

  8. mywriteside says:

    I’m still reading through all your posts, but I wanted to commend you on recognizing a bad relationship in your life, even if it is family. I haven’t talked to my father in almost a year due to the emotionally abusive relationship I had with him growing up. My family still talks to him, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been a lot happier, and I’ve been able to control my anxiety…relatively speaking 🙂
    You are a great person! Don’t let this conquer you!! You acknowledged it’s a problem and you are taking the steps to take care of it. Stay strong!! You have my support 🙂

  9. Thank you for visiting my blog. Mine’s about hurting and healing too. I write for widows who feel lost, depressed, and think this pain is forever. But I found God who is a father to us all, and He held my hand and sustained me on my long journey. I pray you will come to know Him for the father He is.

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