I Need Help

I need some help with dealing with anxiety. The anxiety attacks are getting very bad, unbearable at times. I feel like I am having a heart-attack, I have been for the last few ways. I don’t have health insurance and I wont go on any anxiety meds like Xanax anyway.

I am looking for a anxiety journal or a book on coping with it. I need to find some herbal supplements that might help…any ideas?

It feels pretty shitty not being loved and wanted my my own mother. She does not care much about any of her three children. I am sad for her loss, I have always carried mine, she has never been there bit I still hold on to the hope that she might change and be a mom. After my fathers passing we have talked many times and I have tried to see her, to no avail. She just does not want to be a part of my life. When I called her after my father died a few months ago she told me how much she has missed me and that it hurt her that I stopped talking to her; this is the exact reason why I stopped talking to her… I still try to look pass the lies and her mental illnesses and think maybe, just maybe she has changed and can love me like a mother…she does not have that capability. I just want my mom to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay and that she is sorry for my father’s death. I am going to be 29-years-old on Sat, it’s time to let her got too.

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66 Responses to I Need Help

  1. St johns wort is supposed to be good for anxiety and depression I think. I’m no expert though. Meditation can help too. My thoughts are with you, I hope you find a good remedy quickly.

    • smirkpretty says:

      Be careful of St. Johns Wort. Make sure you talk to a doc if you go that route. I tried it before the pharmaceutical approach and ended up with a nasty head-to-toe rash that has lasted several months after stopping the herb. Yuck! It’s a side effect that hits only about 2% of the population, but that side effect and others are as real as any for a drug.

      I finally bit the bullet and called on the doc for help with regular meds and with a referral for counseling. Things are looking much brighter. It does take time. The most important thing is that you have identified a problem and are seeking help. Best of luck!

  2. I let my mother go when I was 6 yrs old. For this very reason. Even then I realised that she could never be a mother. She didn’t have it in her. So I let her live her life and I lived mine. You can do it.

  3. I am no expert but I have lived with the whole “trying-to-please-my-mother” routine. There is no easy answer and many times pills, books and home remedies just procrastinate the final outcome. I suffered for years with depression and anxiety with all the above listed attempts. Nothing really worked until the day I let go of attempting to please the one person in the world that should have been there for me no matter what…my mother.
    Sometimes to do what is best for us as individuals, we need to let go and get the people who drag our lives down out of the picture. Try it for one week. NO communication, no phone calls, no nothing and just note how you feel each day not having to “worry” about how much you want your mom to contact you. If you start to see improvement in yourself, reassess the situation…maybe it’s not you but the environment you’re in.
    Much love to a fellow “orphan who wants nothing more than to be loved”

  4. im so sorry you’re going through this.. i know how it feels to want your mother to just be a mom.. and with anxiety, she has anxiety among other things.. i’m not a doctor, but i do know that taking upon a healthy hobby can do you some good. Maybe running or meditating, it calms me down when i feel shaky or depressed. Maybe even photography. Just get your mind off of things, and breathe. remember to breathe.. You can always talk to me if you need anything. That’s what I’m here for. Hope that helps at least a little.

  5. Georgia says:

    In my experience, vitamin B formula really helps. Results don’t happen overnight (it takes about a month of taking it to notice any real difference) but it can really improve your quality of life.

  6. Anxiety is a terrible problem to cope with. I loaned the two books I had in my library out – but if you have a nice size library and/or bookstore near where you live there’s an especially good book and workbook to go with it regarding anxiety. Before you purchase anything, make sure you check the individuals credentials – however an individual with experience often writes a more helpful book.

  7. Grndma Chris says:

    I love doterra essential oils, they have one call serenity that is for calming. Then there is the traditional lavender and all you do is put a couple of drops on a tissue and breathe it, it works for calming your body don. I use it all the time at work. I know you are having a hard time right now and I would never ever suggest anything aural that I don’t use myself.
    My husband is on Zoloft for depression and an anti anxiety drug called buspar, he takes that one twice a day. His meds have unpleasant side effects so that’s why I chose doterra essential oils because I want to avoid side effects. If you feel you needs meds you should go see a psychiatrist for anti anxiety meds that are stronger than the holistic approach. Prayer also works.

  8. Ellespeth says:

    Thank you for visiting my blog, LC.
    I have heard, quite a bit, about the gratefulness journal. To attempt to record, each day, something you are grateful for in your life. And, as well, to remember to become aware of your breathing. Sometimes we forget to breathe properly! As well…you are not upon this earth to live your mother’s life – you must live your life. For myself…one doesn’t let one’s parents go – mother or father…nor cling to…nor carry expectations of. Sometimes we are our own parents. Dreadful thought! Did I really just say that?

  9. Rick Alvey says:

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking a recent post. My wife is on a low dose of a mild antidepressant and has minimal side effects. Exercise is also a natural way to release endorphins into your body. Blessings!

  10. Biblis Vox says:

    Vitamin B mixes are supposed to be good. I have been experiencing anxiety too for different reasons and was surprised to find that fasting can also lower anxiety levels. I’ve started fasting one day a week and notice a major difference. I usually eat breakfast and then just stick to water or herbal tea until the next morning’s breakfast, but there are other ways to do it. You can make it spiritual (I do find prayer – which often consists of asking God a lot of questions and telling Him how I feel or why I am upset – helps with anxiety too) or not (my aunt is not religious at all but she does it for emotional and physical health reasons and was the one who actually got me to try it originally).

  11. prewitt1970 says:

    Everybody will have a suggestion for you on this im sure, I can only give you my very personal option. know your triggers, recognize your symptoms find your happy place. I suffered and still do from PSTD panick attacks were common for years. I learned to do just what I suggested, after many trips to the ER thinking heart attack, stroke you name it. I learned to breath, understand what was happening, talk myself through the experience, find my calm and center, then restart what ever I was doing. Good luck, they can be very scary.

  12. prewitt1970 says:

    PTSD sorry typo 😦

  13. Meditation & deep breathing exercises – at least, that’s what has worked for me.

    I stopped taking every medication the doctors had me on 2 years ago, took up yoga, meditation and learned deep breathing exercises.
    I haven’t had a huge anxiety attack.
    I haven’t struggled with severe depression.

    More importantly – I haven’t touched a pill since.

    I’m not saying this works for everyone.
    However, any therapist worth their degree will suggest deep breathing as a way to calm yourself.

  14. **Hug**

    Everything IS going to be okay.

    Panic attacks are the worst, I used to get them all the time. Prewitt1970 has some awesome advice (b-vitamins help too, but they are a temporary measure). It’s best not to put band-aids on bullet wounds. Medicine can (and does) help, whether prescription or herbal. However, it is only a cover if you do no combine it with rooting out the emotional sources of your problem and gradually learning to let go.

    It takes a long time (I’m still working on it), but I can promise you that every step taken leaves you feeling better. I haven’t had a panic attack in years, haven’t even thought about them actually. Start small, with the things it is easiest for you to change.

    And if you ever need to talk about the issues you have with your mom, I’m here. I know how difficult it can be to deal with this stuff, I’ve seen my mom struggle with it all her life. Love yourself, you’re worth it.

  15. ellysnows says:

    Ya know your in good company. Like you I struggle with my Mom and have since I can remember, one of my first memories of her was her looking down at me giving me a dirty look. When my girls were little I lived in Montana and she’s lived here in Washington State and she was never interested in my life or talking to my girls on the phone. Even now that they are adults she rarely asks about them. She suffers from anxiety and depression but there’s also another disconnect with her.
    I’ve moved past all that because I’m determined to be a better mother to my girls then my mom was to me and I’ve succeeded.
    Check out Super Supplements and they can point you in the right direction for herbal remedies that will help. Exercise will also help boost positive endorphins. 🙂
    Anytime you need encouragement shoot me a msg! 🙂

  16. I would suggest walking out in nature, yoga, and meditation. At least that is what works for me.

  17. vrgoddard says:

    I’m sorry I have no recommendations for you as I have never had the experience. I do know that my faith in God carries me through the difficult times that can be too hard to describe. KNOW that you are in my prayers that God will guide you to the answers you seek.

  18. Billie says:

    I agree meditation is good, my meditation comes in several ways, but only through one source, or at least I want to believe it is only one source. My source is LOVE, love enters and calms from inside, reading the new testament over and over again was like being bathed it was just the beginning of becoming calm for me (I am not religious per say). The other is like meditation, watching the pendulum swing, all from one source, love within. When my journey began I had to turn my back on my sons, but remained in hope that they too would change (heal). They have. When I say I turned my back I just refused to argue, if I became upset the conservation stopped and I would say I love you. I do not use pharmaceuticals nor seek out doctors but on occasion I may purchase something from the natural food store primarily for a stuffy nose.
    Thanks for visiting my blog and I see you are also following. Hope you enjoy reading. I find reading is sootheing to ones soul within, and helps in our daily choices as our house, our body, our soul is cleansed inside out.

  19. Jennifer says:

    Having dealt with anxiety for years, I empathize greatly. I tell myself, “I have had an attack before. This one may feel different now, but it is not any different from any of the others. I made it through all of those and I will make it through this one.” Then I get active, physical to burn off some of the extra energy from the adrenaline. It is very similar to the flight or fight response. Only there is no threat. When our bodies are in this mode, they release chemicals to help us survive these situations.So it helps to metabolize some of them by being active. Exercise, cleaning, anything to get your body moving and using up the extra adrenaline, which is the cause of the rapid heartbeat, tingling, and lightheadedness. Hope this helps.

  20. colyapi says:

    Unfortunately, I don’t know much about the anxiety meds or any good ways of dealing with it.

    However, with regard to your mother, I agree that it might just be time to let her go. I won’t kid you that somehow it is going to be easy. It won’t. But there comes a point in one’s life where, to be healthy, one needs to cut free from bad influences and poisonous relationships. I can’t say I have a direct understanding of your relationship with your mother. However, I separated / was separated from my family many years ago, for a variety of reasons which included my choice in wife. It has not been easy, because I love my mother a lot, and yet the dominating influence she wanted to exert on my life was one that I wasn’t going to tolerate for the rest of my life. Since that time, we have gotten closer, and yet that means seeing them only a couple of times a year. They live a couple of miles from us, and yet it is often too time-consuming for her to bother getting out to see her grandchildren.

    Hopefully it helps for me to say that you are not alone in your dilemma. Far more people have to face these types of decisions every day than “society” would like to let on. I have several friends who have parents who are poisonous to them. Some have managed to break free, and others remain bound by ties of family, to the detriment of their relationships with the people around them. The constant poison leaves them bitter and unable to form healthy relationships, which makes them miserable and depressed. One specific friend, I can tell when they visit their mother immediately, because of the increased level of frustration and anger as well as lashing out at those around them. They, too, unfortunately, are still trying to resolve the issue of why, exactly, their mother can hate them so much. Wondering what kind of person have they become that their mother hates them so much.

    The reality is, sometimes, that the reason is that the person has actually become so good, and not so bad, that the mother is jealous and looking to destroy it out of spite. At least that is the only thing that I can think of, considering my friend is one of the most wonderful people I could think of having as a friend.

    Take heart that in spite of all that has happened to you, you are managing to rise up above them all. You are better than them, and they know it. Now you have the chance to prove it. Any true parent will be most proud of (and sad about) the day their child needs them no longer. And, despite the pain of seeing them go, want nothing more than that child to go out, away from them, and leap from the foundation the laid to reach even greater heights than even they achieved. The greatest testament to a teacher is the student who succeeds them.

    It sounds to me like what you need is a bit of success to get the ball rolling. Some easy victories. Take the time to go have a nice cup of coffee (or hot chocolate, or whatever you drink) somewhere. Enjoy the warmth of the sun on your face or the vigor a cold bright winter day may bring. Read a book or watch a good movie. Maybe do it outside, to get you away from where you live. The walking around and change of scenery could do you good. Success breeds success, so build on what you are doing to get the spiral moving up rather than down. But start small. No need make a big ordeal about it, because big ordeals are hard to get to work right. Just find something that will give you a moment’s pleasure and bring a smile onto your face!

    And know that there are many people here as well as there who are interested in helping you along! 🙂

  21. cross(stitch)yourheart says:

    If you have a yoga studio or club near where you live or on campus where you go to school yoga helps with your mental state. It’s supposed to do something to help the chemical imbalance that causes anxiety (and like all exercise releases endorphins). I’ve found that helps me a lot to both clear my mind and get to a happier state of mind. Some days it takes a lot to get started but after about 10 minutes I start to feel calmer and my heart beat slows down.

    As for your mom, if she doesn’t appreciate you as the brilliant person you are, it’s time to cut her out of your life (easier said than done, I know) but life is too short to keep people like her around. Just look at all the people who have commented on your blog. We barely know you, yet we want the best for you. If your mother doesn’t feel that way too then good riddance.

  22. nolabels says:


    “I learned to breathe, understand what was happening, talk myself through the experience, find my calm and center, then restart what ever I was doing.”—prewitt1970

    I am in agreement with this statement. You gain power once you know the source of what is triggering the anxiety. Control your breathing so that your heart rate begins to slow and definitely talk your way through it. It’s okay to depend on some herbal remedies and B12 for temporary relief but the main way to feel like you can control this thing is to recognize the triggers.

    I, too, have issues with my mom. She doesn’t care much about her children either. Luckily, when she left me when I was three years old, my grandparents (her parents) were around to pick up the slack. It’s been a struggle to have a relationship with her ever since, and I had to accept that I would never have the type of relationship with her where I would receive the hugs or love I needed. It was better for me to accept that than to continue to try to have a relationship with her which proved to be toxic.

    I hope that will not be the case with your mom.

    Take care; keep us posted!

  23. yomicfit says:

    I have been reading this very informative and insightful book called
    “Healing for a woman’s emotions” by Paula Sandford.

  24. The Burg says:

    Yeah, like the others say, vitamin B can help a little. I found gummy vitamins too so that’s great, makes taking them fun. As for your mom, you are right you gotta let her go. Stop waiting for her to change, you are wasting energy and time on it. Moms can be just as messed up as the rest of us and most of them aren’t capable of loving their child unconditionally like we expect them to.

  25. monk-monk says:

    Mindfulness practices, like ones that John Kabat Zinn teaches through the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program, are really helpful. What happens with panic attacks is that people tend to start fearing the panic attack, rather than the original unpleasant stimulus, and it becomes a downward spiral of anxiety triggering anxiety. I have used mindfulness and breathwork to help cope with my own anxiety, and have also gone on short bouts of an anti-anxiety medication (not short-acting like Xanax) that has been really helpful (citalopram, also used for anti-depressant/anti-ocd).

    As far as herbal supplements, I have used both Kava, Valerian Root and 5HTP at various times. Kava has seemed to be the most effective because it begins to work right away. There are some contraindications with any of these, though, so make sure that you get some advice on taking them. You can’t take all of them together, it could mess up your liver 🙂 Valerian Root hasn’t been that helpful for me, but I also found 5HTP to really enhance my overall mood, but didn’t notice a short-acting anti-anxiety release like I did with Kava.

    Other really good tips for dealing with anxiety are all the basic things like diet, exercise, etc. I think your idea of having a journal or a way to write down (or be guided) through what your thought process is before/during/after an onset of anxiety. I don’t know how aware you are of your triggers or the stories you tell yourself when it’s happening. I do know that there are several free apps for smart phones that let you record your stress thoughts and even lead you on guided relaxation breathing exercises.

  26. Others have given you good ideas for your panic attacks…What I would maybe suggest that when you’re not in one…to help you try and deal with the issue of your Mom….is to write letters to yourself and to your Mom (not to be mailed) but to get your thoughts out of your swirling mind…Letters to say how it is affecting you and why…and how you might turn your thinking around..”today I was really thinking that I’m feeling unloved because of my mother”…to example only…”but I am loved….and have been shown I’m loved by or when….etc etc. And by writing a letter to be kept by you..to your mother you can pour out your heart as to how much her lack of attention etc. is affecting you…

    I did a letter to my father (not mailed) actually a blog and said to him things I would have liked to in real life…. and it was good to say them…. Just some thoughts…Diane

  27. jlee5879 says:

    I refused to go on medication for a long time. I am on Prozac, now, but I find that the supplements I also take help me tremendously. I highly recommend a few.

    For one: Fish Oil. Fish oil is amazing and this is the product I use: http://www.vitamindiscountcenter.net/servlet/the-619/088395016417/Detail

    Also as the gal said above Vitamin B is incredible. I MUST take this one. I find if I don’t have it I get very depressed: http://www.vitamindiscountcenter.net/servlet/the-2097/733739004055/Detail?gclid=CKmqkOfSq7MCFehDMgodS18Ajg

    For anxiety I was referred to this product by a nutritionist at The Fruitful Yield who had also suffered from postpartum depression. I don’t take it so much anymore [since I’m on the Prozac now] but it did help me: http://www.vitamindiscountcenter.net/servlet/the-2139/733739001474/Detail

    You should also be taking a Vitamin D3. At least 2000 IUs. Relatively cheap to buy from the drugstore.

    The problem is these supplements add up….very expensive. Doctors just want to dope you up on meds so my Prozac is ridiculously cheap but to buy these supplements it costs way more. I do highly recommend them. Good luck!

  28. Aewl says:

    Best advice I’d ever heard about panic attacks was to get out of your head and go help someone else. Even random acts of kindness helps. Failing that, go talk to your sponsor.

  29. Hi… I’ve had anxiety since I was small and I’ve tried everything. The thing that truly helped me was hypnotherapy. It allows your subconscious to heal within and changes the things in your head we say over and over, most of the time subconsciously. I’m estranged from my mother and I used to get such pangs of loneliness, unwantedness, etc but the hypnosis helped me to also heal from my inner “child.” It’s also something you don’t have to do regularly – just a few sessions and you listen to the recordings every now and then when you need it. That plus knowing your triggers and a healthy lifestyle is my savior. Hope that makes sense and can help you. Lots of hugs

  30. Crow & Valentine says:

    Hello! Would personally recommend (herbally) Damiana, Valerian tea – but be aware aware that this also causes drowsiness – chamomile flower tea (from the flower, not the processed stuff in supermarkets though, you would need to find a herbalist for these), vitamin B complex. St John’s Wort is good for depression but is contraindicated with some other medications so research would be required.

    As for the root cause of anxiety, I would always recommend counselling to get to the root and CBT to deal with managing your response to the attacks…I’ve found CBT to be tremendously helpful with panic response.


  31. When I’m in that state, I either go talk to a friend I trust and who accepts me wherever I am in life, or I journal the heck out of a few notebook pages. “GET IT OUT” is my motto when anxiety is ruling my world. Anxiety attacks are not always about what’s happening in the moment they occur, but if you sit down and begin to write the bullet points of what is going on in your life, your fears, your worries, your anxieties, then the core will be revealed and you’ll find a way to calm yourself outside of using medications, etc. I know that there are people with true medical issues that require the medications, but I also know that for me, that’s not where the problem lies and I would rather face it than mask it. Hope that helps.

  32. guayja1 says:

    Life is hard, you’re not alone. I’ve only recently overcome a struggle with co-dependency (don’t think I’m equating our struggles, I just want to share that we have ‘some’ common ground). I rated the comment above which suggests writing ‘no-send’ letters. The process of writing gets the irrational parts of our anxieties from the more primitive hind brain where they lurk in our subconscious, (keeping us on alert, trying to protect us), and pushes it into the fore-brain where it can be evaluated more rationally and usually put to rest. You will see several stories involving Ravens on my blog, all of these are different ways in which I allegorized and wrote out my struggle. The most important thing that gets me through is my faith, it gives me hope that there is purpose behind the pain. I’ve also sought professional counseling and that has been a huge help as well. Good luck, and God bless.

  33. deanabo says:

    my husband suffers anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes it helps him to talk about it with someone else going through it. you can find him at @TLanceB if you need someone to talk to. He’s a great listener.

  34. Lisa Neumann says:

    From my personal experience, the anxiety and panic wouldn’t go until I had effectively dealt with them. Vitamins. herbals, oils etc. all helped tremendously. I needed to do the cognitive work and release the pain from my body. The pain was living in my body and running (in my case ruining) my life. I was driving (living) but only looking in the rear view mirror to navigate. In my opinion you are healthier then you think. You’re a great writer and that is such a good step and sign of wanting to heal. What I learned is that I had stuff to unlearn. Once I unlearned the BS I was free to live in the light. It’s not always sunny, just manageable, and for the most part rather beautiful. Happy to support you in any way I can. Lisa

  35. bubblytee says:

    if the chemistry in your brain is off kilter then only replacing the chemicals back is what will help you feel better.

    Look for natural sources of seritonin and take supplements but those may not be enough….

  36. I can tell you what was life changing for me..I had anxiety so bad when leaving my home it was almost crippling. now i hardly have it at all.
    I know this sounds silly but like i said it was life changing.
    Give anxiety a name (for me it’s “fred”)
    Acknowledge it, like say “I hear you and I’m okay, I’m in no immediate danger.” (instead of beating yourself up for it)
    It really works.

  37. my therapist taught me the above

  38. bethanyduvall says:

    Vitamin B complex, esp. B12, helps with depression. Valerian root helps with anxiety. You can take valerian as a pill or as a tea.

  39. phaerygurl says:

    I was and still am, very anti-medicine unless absolutely necessary and for only big things. I had to by nauseous and about to puke before I’d even take something for a headache. That being said, I have my daily does of Zoloft and Anafranil. Would I like to get off them? Absolutely. Can I? I have to learn to deal with my anxiety and OCD. I was seeing a therapist for awhile, Finances have interrupted that, but the rest of my family has come out of the woodwork with my journey into craziness that helps me understand what I went through, especially since I have few memories of my childhood. I firmly believe it’s my brain telling me I’m not ready to remember them.

    Anyway, I do like the homepathic remedies. When my son (he was two at the time) had a bad cough and we could only find one thing he could take, Similisan. It’s homeopathic, and has two elephants on the front.

    Anyway, oddly enough I discovered a homeopathic remedy for anxiety on the same night I had my biggest panic attack leading to a mental breakdown. It’s call Rescue Remedy by Dr. Bach. There’s a whole website about ths stuff. Also, yoga is great for calming you down and helping you meditate. One thing is very important that no medicine can help and that’s your internal emotions. It took a long time (and it’s still an issue for me) to come to terms with my relationship with my mom, and realizing that no matter what I say, I’m not going to get a true apology from her. Ever.

    And if you need to talk, I’m here. My dad was an alcoholic for many years (at least 10, as far as I know), and he’s now been sober for the past 15+ years. Congratulations on stopping the drinking, really. *hugs* You’re on the right path.

  40. As a full-time stident, you should have access to mental health care-therapy, etc-on campus. In addition, there’s a book called “The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook.”

  41. alslaff says:

    Maybe this will help. If you’ve perused my blog, you will know that I was abused as a child and that recently I went through Mending The Soul (see http://www.mendingthesoul.org). There may be a local offering of this near you. Counseling and drugs are needed band aids, but only God can heal the soul. It was vital for me.

  42. Katie says:

    I so understand. Personally I am on medication for mine, but I understand why you don’t want it. For me knowing what triggers me helps, writing out in a journal what is going on in my head, talking with pastor/counselor/friend, support groups (I go to and lead a 12 step recovery group at my church), going through the Psalms — if you read them they are full of honest expressions of hatred, anger, anxiety, depression, joy, praise — the range of emotions. I have learned to write Psalms to God detailing what is going on and why. I will be thinking of you.

  43. bubblytee says:

    i am sorry; i forgot to mention that diet is critically important for the brain to heal. Must have the high protein foods that contain all the essential amino acids that the brain needs. Also, need complex carbs that help the body relax…potatoes, beans, yams…

  44. I have a mother who has abused drugs for many, many years and when she wasn’t holed up in her room doing or looking for drugs, she was using the rest of her time trying to make some man happy. I felt very alone sometimes, but I learned to do things for myself and I learned to think for myself. There is always a silver lining. You could have had the greatest life ever, but your higher self had different ideas. Get used to your life path as it is from the past and see nothing but millions of different possibilities, only to be determined which one you decide to take. You could very well still have a relationship with your father, whether he has crossed over or not. Talk to him and feel him. Close your eyes and see him and hear him. He is there with you and he wants you to be happy and healthy.

    The feeling that you are feeling I have had many times and the best way I can put it (and it might be complete horseshit) is that you are at a point where you can move on to do something great. This sounds a little Back to the Future, but if you recognize the signs (panic attack, rapid heartbeat, intrusive thoughts) you can reach 88 mph or whatever it was and go to a different place entirely.
    I have thought a few times when I felt this way that it was because I was either going the complete opposite of my higher self’s intention or that the planets were going to line up very soon and there is a small chance in time that I could shift completely. I have received the signs and I look out for the upcoming moment when I will be presented with some portal, if you will, some rip in the veil. And this has happened to me several times. I have even thought I was losing my mind before! Then the thought occurred to me that maybe this is my physical body’s way of telling me to pay attention. Once I recognized that, the feelings have gone away and when they do come they are not near as strong when they are called upon to get me to open up.

    Just my two cents. And go to the doctor if you feel like you need to. If you go to school, there should be some kind of way to be seen.

  45. thehumansarah says:

    chamomile tea helps, exercise, FISH OIL! fish oil worked really well. i noticed my anxiety was usually based around menstruation time and i didnt notice it for a long time. its hard feeling alone. praying helped and continues to help me. God is faithful to heal.

  46. sadmadgirl says:

    Just wanted to say that I don’t have health insurance either. I was able to go to a state behavioral center after getting a wage statement showing I have low income. Then I got a free health evaluation at the center. I just spoke to a psychiatrist for free yesterday and was prescribed medication. I plan on getting free counseling once a month as well. I hope you can find one close to you and hopefully talk to someone.

  47. chengboiser says:

    Be strong
    A hug would be a good start. its really hard to find some support in your situation right now. But try to express all these through different means. hobbies, friends even this blog is good to release all those negativity. if there is a support group in your area try to be a part of that. it will really help alot rather than taking medications. And with your mom, all we can do is just hope and pray that in God’s time she”ll find her way and see that her children needs her as much as she needs you.

  48. Make friends who are funny, joyful..
    watch funny movies, videos…

  49. My heart goes out to you for your relationship with your mother. Perhaps if you can see the mental illness in her, you might hurt less. Having said that, it is very hard to not take it personally. I couldn’t until many years after my mother’s death. It is a huge loss your mother is facing, not that your loss of your father isn’t. But sometimes people deal with death by withdrawing.

    As for the anxiety attacks, I know how crippling they are. You got lots of good advice from people in the above comments. I would add one– exercise. When they come to me, I get on a stationery bike (too scared to go out of the house) and pedal and pray in desperation. Medication does help. And so does St. John’s wort. You can get research grade St. John’s Wort from: http://www.hbcprotocols.com
    I am not in any way affiliated with them– just use their product as it is the best around. Has changed my life because, since I am Bipolar, I cannot take normal antidepressants.

    Good luck with the attacks and your mother!

  50. lilicara says:

    You have to know that your mother not being involved with you is HER ISSUE. it has nothing to do with you. You must know that you are perfect. any problems you are having are preparing you for an amazing future. every issue you conquer takes you one step closer to your true destiny in the light.
    When you feel anxiety, ask yourself if it is something you can change or affect right now, this very moment. If you can’t change it right now, then you say to yourself “I am worrying about blah blah blah-insert issue here-i have done everything i can to solve this issue. I give this problem over to the universe and i have faith that it will turn out the way it should!” then you stop thinking about it. if you start thinking about it again, clap your hands and tell your self “NO, i give this problem up to the universe” wear a little rubberband on your wrist and snap it everytime you have an anxiety causing thought. it’s a daily battle, but i have faith you can do it! -watch my video you are not alone, and release your past, forgive for some inspiration. hang in there hon!!

  51. LostCompanion, I do not know you, but my heart cries out to you. For me, I really find a lot of comfort and relaxation and relief in praying to God. Saved or not, God always listens. He will always want you, He always will love you. Although your mother has failed you, God hasn’t. Please feel free to e-mail me. I would love to help you walk through this time in your life and encourage you. If you God is so unfathomably in love with you, then I shall love you as well.
    the Unknown to All
    “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (ESV)
    I’m praying for you.

    • lilicara says:

      Here’s one that helped me. Psalm 27 10 my mother and father have rejected me, but God had taken me up as his child. the light is like a parent with no issues who only wants the best for you, always loves you and always forgives you.

  52. optie says:

    I had a difficult relationship with my mother too and around the age you are now I had to come to terms with the fact that I was never going to have the daughter-mother relationship that my heart desired. I had to accept that she did the best she could and knowing some of her early history, learnt from her older sister, helped me to understand that and forgive her, but by that time she had passed on. Just know this – you don’t have to repeat her mistakes, your whole life is ahead of you and you have the potential to be a great woman, friend and mother in time. Try and focus on yourself and your dreams for the future and let the past stay in the past, and I don’t say that glibly, I had to have help in the form of counselling to reach that place of peace.

  53. katy8046 says:

    After reading this post I realise I am in a very similar (almost identical) situation as you in regards to the relationship with my Mother. Late last year I decided that she simply isn’t going to change (after I’ve actively tried to rebuild the broken relationship after many years and being disappointed for the umpteenth time), and although I’m not cutting her out of my life completely I decided that I would stop trying to make it something it wasn’t. It takes 2 people to build a relationship, and where I have identified my issues and am working on fixing them, my Mother steadfastly believes that she doesn’t have any anger/anxiety/depression/mental health problems despite agreeing she could have been a better Mother to me, and to top it off she’s started being really manipulative to try and pull me back in to the rut of me trying and her being in the position of power as the ‘Mother figure’.

    I appreciate you’re asking for help in regards to your panic attacks so I’m sorry for going on and ranting here. I think I just wanted to offer you some hope because since my decision to stop actively building a relationship I have felt like a great weight has been lifted. But whatever you decide to do I wish you strength! I’m also sorry that you don’t have free access to mental health care which I always ignorantly think everyone is entitled to…..I hope you find a good method for dealing with your attacks. x

  54. N B says:

    I have never had panic attacks, so I can’t say I know how you feel. I imagine that it is a hard place to be. I know how it feels to have a loved one behave in that manner, it is easier for me not to make their problem my own. It is tough on my end, I admit, but it is easier than enduring the negative feelings.

    My heart goes out to you, my dear. I am still rooting for you as you find your equilibrium again. Mint and lavender tea tends to help me when I am upset. So does having someone remind me that they love me. Do you have a scent that calms you? Something that reminds you how much you are loved? Maybe carrying around that scent will help? Mine is lavender, reminds me of my childhood. Sage does it, too, since it is used for smudging, cleansing, and healing. Cedar and Sweetgrass are used the same way, and have that same effect on me. 🙂

    Good luck, and remember YOU ARE LOVED! 🙂

  55. bootsie90 says:

    In dealing with my dad’s death, I’ve slowly begun to realize that it’s not my fault that he was never able to get himself help and be there for me like I wanted him to be. I, and you as well, do more harm than good by holding on to what ifs and maybes. Trust me i KNOW how much easier said than done that is, but you have to at least be willing to give yourself permission to move on, to trust in yourself, and most importantly to know that you are loved. The universe loves you, and your soul is rooting for you. Believe!

  56. blackrose181 says:

    I’m still looking for a way to cope with anxiety attacks. They are undoubtedly the hardest challenge I’ve had with depression. My therapist told me the main things is to pinpoint the triggers, just recognizing those issues and trying to deal with them specifically can help keep you from having an attack. Honestly the best remedy I’ve found is to drink caffeine-free tea and just talk out everything you’re feeling to a friend. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to cope.

  57. Hey LC, I want you to know that you can write me anytime. Remember that, ok? (Always.) Not sure if you’ve read my Bio or not, but there’s little I haven’t been through- from severe abuse as a child, to being knocked up and left (twice), having my kids ripped away from me (never to return), being locked away in the psych ward (six different times), to being homeless over 10 times in my life- and drinking myself into oblivion for 20 years. And those are the bright spots! 😉 I’ve had numerous breakdowns and have felt like I was on another planet- nobody truly understood my depth of pain, etc. In short, I feel ya- bigtime. I’ve swam in some very deep waters in my life, but I’ve made it to the other side of the river, and now spend my time helping others who are there. Let me know if there’s anything I can ever do for you, ok? I’m here for you. xo

    Here’s a small list of things that can help you deal with anxiety:

    1. Cry. Crying is like sweating when you exercise. If you don’t do it on your own, your emotions will betray you, and you’ll eventually break down. Choose your battles! Choice what you want to cry over. Don’t be afraid of it- it’s painful, yes- but healthy, and very necessary.

    2. Laugh. Crying “cleans out the closet”. It makes room for laughter.

    3. Deep breathe. Pretend you’re smoking a joint- and hold in your breath after inhaling deeply- for 10 seconds- exhale. Smile.

    4. Eat healthy. Cut out fatty foods, donuts, excess sugars, and boxed/processed/canned foods. Eat whole grain baguettes, olive oil, fresh produce, lean meats, and drink lots of green tea. Eating this kind of diet kills depression. Depression causes anxiety. Love yourself. xo

    5. Forgive your mother. I know this is hard to do, and you may tell yourself that you already have. But realize that she doesn’t have the capacity to love, as you do. Some people have stainless steel gardening hoes- some have plastic forks. Your mother has a plastic fork, and it’s broken. (Forgive her for YOU.)

    6. Smile at strangers. Smiling tells your brain that “everything is ok”. Do this enough and you will start to believe it.

    7. Know your worth. You are valuable to others! Remember that. The more crap you go through, the more you are being chiseled and carved, like a diamond. The more grooves and cuts within you, the greater your shine. And remember, a light shines the brightest in darkness.

    8. Drink chamomile tea with honey. It’s warm, sweet, and good for you. Chamomile isn’t an actual tea leaf. It’s a flower. it has natural soothing properties that will allow you to relax naturally.

    9. Take melatonin supplements before bed. Melatonin is a natural endorphin producer. Endorphines are the feely good chemicals that are released by your brain into your bloodstream when you eat chocolate, or fall in love. Studies have shown that anxiety and depression are twins. The lack of serotonin can be an indication that your body isn’t producing enough melatonin when you sleep. Melatonin production = endorphin increase which = happiness.

    10. Go back to school (if you’re not already). Education is the biggest weapon against hopelessness and helplessness. Empower yourself, teach yourself, and in turn, teach others. Taking back your own life will reduce stress, which will reduce anxiety.

    11. Pray. Praying increases hope. Hope reduces anxiety. xo

    I could go on and on but I have to stop somewhere! Stopping drinking was one of the best things you could have done. Naturally, it increases anxiety, so we have to find new ways to cope with the stress and “reality”. Remember, you can drop me a line anytime. Things will get better. 😉 Always believe that. xo

  58. newtliest says:

    I use kava kava to help with anxiety. I don’t always have it on hand for panic attacks, but for general anxiety it can help me get through a day 🙂

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