How now feels

I spent the evening applying for jobs. I see that the time has come for me to focus on the next change I need to make in my life; I need to let go of the cute old couple I take care of. I have been making some poor decisions in my life and have taken the time to dissect the issues and come up with some solutions.

First of all I quit smoking. Today was two weeks of not smoking cigarettes!!! This has been hard but nothing in comparison to quitting drinking. I think I got this, I hope….

Secondly, I don’t have much money so I have decided I am going to actively start looking for another job. As hard as it is to leave the elderly couple I help, I know it is time for me.

Thirdly, I need to stop having expectations of others. I set people up, a lot of times those I love most, for failure because of the expectations I put on them. I am always afraid of getting taken advantage of or taking advantage of others. I am in fear that someone will blow me off once and the relationship will forever be marked with half-ass commitments. I am scared that a handful of nights of cheeking sex will lead to an unhealthy sex-life. I am scared to give any control for fear of losing it all. I am unstable with my intentions due to the fact that I don’t trust his.

I am sending out good vibes for a new job.

I ask the universe for balance with my relationships and if I have relationships in my life that can not find balance, help me let them go.

Show me where I need to be with my education.

Give me strength to abstain!

Help me support myself and be responsible.

Keep me on this path I consider physical health, I feel as though I may be straying…don’t let me.

Hold me now more than ever, oh comforter, for my soul is cold with bitter sadness for the existence of sorrow that lingers among so many that I love.

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8 Responses to How now feels

  1. Sounds like you are heading in a good direction. I hope everything works out well for you!

  2. Wade Webster says:

    You’re at an important fork in your road right now. You can continue to go it alone and climb this mountain by yourself, or you can reach out to God’s outstretched hand and let Him guide you and strengthen you. Everything you’re asking the universe to do for you is what Jesus promises to do. I know you’ve been burned by church in the past. Legalistic ones tend to so that to people. What I’m suggesting is a personal relationship with God through Jesus, the true higher Power. I hope you take a minute to read my humor poem I just posted called What I’m Thankful For .

  3. Isn’t sobriety awesome ??? Life becomes feelings and instincts, you feel the happy and the sad, you see the ups and downs, you learn to accept, you learn to let go and let God. Set your goals high but know that you need steps to achieve them and if the next step seems to high, do not see it as a roadblock, see it as a detour. God did not mean for me to go in that direction, learn from the lesson and go somewhere where your comfort level leads you to a place that is happy joyous and free, a place filled with nice people, and where things are just tools to make life fulfilled..
    Love, hugs and blessings…ME and the Boss

  4. Hawkruh says:

    It sounds like you’re in a good place! Best of luck with the new job search. Being there myself, I know it can be stressful. Peace.

  5. Sounds good– sounds like you are making good decisions and I wish you strength with the cigarettes and the job hunt. I gave up booze and cigarettes and my life took a more spiritual course. And waiting for the right relationship, hard, yes, but ever so worth the wait. Blessings to you.

  6. praying for your success in little steps…I’m happy that you are finding hope =)

  7. mynewtruth3 says:

    I like what I read in this post. Keep up the good work. I know you can do it.

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