I spent the evening applying for jobs. I see that the time has come for me to focus on the next change I need to make in my life; I need to let go of the cute old couple I take care of. I have been making some poor decisions in my life and have taken the time to dissect the issues and come up with some solutions.
First of all I quit smoking. Today was two weeks of not smoking cigarettes!!! This has been hard but nothing in comparison to quitting drinking. I think I got this, I hope….
Secondly, I don’t have much money so I have decided I am going to actively start looking for another job. As hard as it is to leave the elderly couple I help, I know it is time for me.
Thirdly, I need to stop having expectations of others. I set people up, a lot of times those I love most, for failure because of the expectations I put on them. I am always afraid of getting taken advantage of or taking advantage of others. I am in fear that someone will blow me off once and the relationship will forever be marked with half-ass commitments. I am scared that a handful of nights of cheeking sex will lead to an unhealthy sex-life. I am scared to give any control for fear of losing it all. I am unstable with my intentions due to the fact that I don’t trust his.
I am sending out good vibes for a new job.
I ask the universe for balance with my relationships and if I have relationships in my life that can not find balance, help me let them go.
Show me where I need to be with my education.
Give me strength to abstain!
Help me support myself and be responsible.
Keep me on this path I consider physical health, I feel as though I may be straying…don’t let me.
Hold me now more than ever, oh comforter, for my soul is cold with bitter sadness for the existence of sorrow that lingers among so many that I love.