Free

Life is interesting. Things have drastically changed for me. I no longer feel trapped. I am very blessed.

I see the importance in knowing my strengths and perhaps knowing my weaknesses better.

The RA has gotten worse but the season is changing, on to Spring!

I have a beautiful relationship with my stepmom, going to the house where my dad died sucks.

My job is very cool.

I am in love with a man that fulfills needs that I didn’t even know I had, just simply due to the fact that I know he loves me too, yet I don’t think he can protect me the way I need to be protected, which does not always mean physical protection. I stretch him to the max just with the little time he can give me….not his or anyone’s fault….it’s life. I want to help him in some ways but I can’t. I want him to know my story but if I told him he would not believe me and at that, I don’t think he wants to know.

I turned 30 a few weeks ago…freaked me out but I got through it. I feel like either my artistic ability will end by the time I am 60 or the illness will have taken me. This is according to my plan and we all know life’s what happens when you are making other plans. I can deal. On a lighter note, I got to hear my beautiful nephews voice on my birthday, best gift I received.

I am coming close to 3 years of sobriety: April 9th. As I look back I see a crazy life I want no part of. It has just been the last year of my life that I have felt sober and on the road to success in being the strongest person I know.

I have learned that I am a teacher, a giver, kind and unconditional. The death of my father completely changed me. I am not the same person I was before he died.  After his death, the thought of living scared me but through time and therapy and tests of character, I am now free; free in a way that can’t be put into words. I am thankful for the experiences I have had, it’s made me who I am…but I don’t ever want to go back.

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8 Responses to Free

  1. i can surely identify with those thoughts…. what we go through does make us who we are… but having been there… nooo don’t want to go back… Glad you’re feeling stronger and that there is someone special in your life… Diane

  2. Reading this post made me very happy for you. It seems that the first part of your life, you were just drifting alone on a wild ocean. Now, you have got sails and can navigate and choose directions. When rough times come, you will have ways to manouver through them. Don’t know if this makes sense at all, but this is what came up in my mind. I wish you all the best!

  3. Hala J. says:

    I was happy to see another post by you, it’s been a while since you wrote anything. It’s made me even more glad to see that your situation and, most importantly, your feelings have improved. I truly hope that this upward swing remains, and you’ll always stay happy. Three years of sobriety is nothing to sneeze at. You truly deserve all the good that life can give you. You’re still in your prime, so keep going strong!

  4. cshowers says:

    What a wonderful post, and what growth I see in you since I started following your posts around a year ago. Whenever I read your posts, I’ve prayed for you, and now that I read this post, I will still pray, but I will also rejoice with you. This is the prayer that I am praying for you…

    When I think of all this, the pain and the triumphs that you’ve shared, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

    Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Therefore, dare to call upon the name of the Lord, for He loves you, and He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can ever imagine or ask. Glory to God in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

    May you continue to grow and I also ask God to reveal to you how greatly He values you, so that you will truly know your worth… not so that you can have a swelled head, but so you can love and respect yourself. For when you learn to honor and love the woman that God created you to be, then you will be able to honor and love others more fully.

    Many blessings and much love to you for bringing joy to my heart this morning as I read your words!

    Love,
    Cheryl

  5. cross(stitch)yourheart says:

    I’m so happy to read so many wonderful things are happening to you. I hope to read many more posts like this in the future and hope that even better things are coming for you, your man, and your art.

  6. I’m so happy to read things are looking up for you!

  7. lauramacky says:

    An early congratulations for your upcoming sobriety anniversary date!

  8. laurabennet says:

    I’m so happy for you. Crisis is often the catalyst to change. I’m so glad you’ve headed in a direction that has blessed you. 🙂

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