February 27th, here I come :)

I didn’t sleep well last night. I have a lot on my mind. I am contemplating dropping my online class…

School is the most important aspect of my life but now that I am living on my own again (and sober for the first time), I realize being in school fulltime is pushing it when supporting myself. I also have a hard time focusing on my online class. I took the class because I thought I was going to be in a healthy environment where I live to focus and I am not. A routine was short-lived. I have to hideaway from my own place, I feel off balance. I guess life is like that, I can not expect to always have balance.

I needed a solid night sleep for my body and I didn’t get it, I feel off track today. I can channel my energy and be productive. My art classes fill my cup for the most part. I was excited for my teacher this semester but I am not getting out of the class what I am putting in it. Because I can grasp the concepts, the teacher teaches the class and leaves it to me to explain to the students what to do; it takes me away from my focus at times. I end up needing to do my work at home and right now that is not an option. I can not let the imbalance I feel inside be a reflection through my intent. I can turn this around.

I woke up this morning and checked FB, the CEO of one of the big companies I use to work for asked me if I am looking for a job. I worked my way up in that company and made a lot of money doing what I was doing but I was not passionate about it. Perhaps he has a business venture outside of that industry he would like to chat with me about? I’ll call him later today and see what’s on his mind. I am no longer in Colorado so I don’t expect anything to come of it. I am thankful after all this time I made such an impression. He became a good friend, a confidant. He taught me a lot about equating with those who work under them.

I learned a lot about leadership from some of the greats I have worked with. Leadership is two things: You teach and lead by example.

I hate money, I hate what is does to people and I hate the expectations that come with it. I want to make more money so that I can live in a safer place, that’s it.

I asked my friend if I could live with her for the next month or two so that I can focus on getting through school; she and her husband gladly said yes! If I stay with her I can save more money and have a stable place to be while I am in waiting. I am so thankful for unconditionally loving people.

With that being said, I am going to walk in my house, shower, grab my art things and go to school. If the place is torn up, I can let it go. After school I will pack up the kitchen so that he does not destroy any more of my things. Get out of the problem and into the solution! I can do this, the weather is changing so I have more physical energy. February 27th, here I come 🙂

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5 Responses to February 27th, here I come :)

  1. Well I like how you talked yourself right into a better place…heheh. Good for you. :0) I want to encourage you. Sometimes school sucks the very life out of us and makes us question if we have what it takes to push through and simply “hang in there and get it done”. I do hope you do just that. In a few months, you can take a break, yeah? Stick it out. You can do it. :0)

    I was sooooo close to dropping out a few days ago myself. This is my 5th academic year. I graduated in January with my degree in Behavioral Sciences and CPC in Substance Abuse and jumped right back into the ring without so much as taking a breath. (Working on degree #2 then I’ll be transferring over to SNHU in June to begin work on my BA in Sociology.) I was seriously doubting if I could go on even one more day. But, I hung in there. We just have to get over the ugly bumps in the road! Then we can see the outline again.

    So, hang in there. ;0)
    I’m rooting for you. x

  2. Hi… the fellow on fb re the job… Maybe it will be something surprising…give an update. re moving in with the other couple for a couple of months…. you’ll have some support while you try to find a place to live and look for a job… that can only be good. It give you some time .. I hope you get some ‘good’ sleep. The lack of sleep I can sure relate to with the past several months I’ve had …same issue… take care Diane

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