He says he was only joking, I hope he was. I have a hard time knowing because he still refuses to be real with me and tell me the truth. I just want peace in my life. I YEARN for it to the core. I can be what he wants me to be at work…in time things will change. I am in waiting.
I am not a paranoid person, I am an extremely private for a reason. Given my life experiences, I have learned to protect myself. It’s time, now that I am going to be living alone soon, to take higher precautions. This city has not been safe to me yet, I have high hope for my new place to come.
I have been through things in my life that I have never written about, things that were done to me that I can’t ever talk about. I can not watch people being abused or crying in pain because I was made to do things to my sister and so on. The first 17 years of my life were pure terror. I decided at a young age that I was going to be strong and had to stick up for myself because no one else did. I am not crazy; major PTSD yes. I have sought help throughout my adulthood and will always be working on my issues…this blog is a tool. I live a life of compassion. I don’t want to hurt anyone or want anyone to hurt and need to protect myself at the same time; it’s a hard balance. I believe in the yen yang effect. Good things are happening in my life and I have learned to accept that the negative things come along with it.