I have a dream for myself but it is much different than I ever imagined. My dream is to not die in pain (RA) and to be able to create as much art as I can before I go that will touch people. The lady I met today touches people with her work, she touched me greatly.
At night I dream a lot. My mind is filled with the fears I once lived but they are quickly fading too, as my anxiety is nearly gone. I dreamt last night that I was in a van with my friend and two other women. The car stopped quickly and one of the women, who was severely mentally ill, fell forward and broke her hand. I remember in the dream I could not look at her mangled hand…the same way I had a hard time looking at my sister after she was beaten. I felt that same sense of helplessness in the dream that I felt as a kid. The great thing about my journey is I don’t feel helpless while awake like I use to, which was not too long ago.
I have gotten a lot done today. I went grocery shopping, did laundry, met with the artist, and made myself some lunch. I am proud that I am doing all things good as I have always tried to do. It is amazing how far gone I have been these last few years with taking care of myself; I just needed the environment to be able to flourish and I feel like I am. Just for today!