New Med

Time is an amazing thing. It’s been nearly three weeks since the ward stay and I’m living the life I always wanted. I’m on my own and getting rid of my car; downgrading! I’m a student. I have a great dog. I’m on the right medication. I’m sober. I am an Artist. I have a good support system.  I am eating healthy. I am vary blessed.

Yet, it’s an interesting phenomena how not living with the highs and lows can feel like a loss. I feel like a part of my personality has died. I don’t read people like I use to but I feel less anger and fear. I know I’m still me and can attach and detach as good as I could before. My sleeping is completely off kilter, so it’s hard to rate my agitation. The paranoid feelings I had have almost completely dissipated, moving to a better neighborhood has helped. My anxiety is much more under control but I can still have an anxiety attack at the drop of a hat. I still see auras around people which is comforting. I still believe I have gifts that are god given but they are not as intense anymore. I don’t pick up on others emotions and carry them with me like I use to. I really don’t care what most people think about me. But the greatest thing of all is I am still an artist and the medication helps me focus!

As for a job, I know I ‘m not anywhere close to working. I’m still very fragile. I know the RA attack I just got over does not help. It can take a few days for me to recover when I have a bad attack; this last one was not too bad. The RA also hinders my sleep. I decided to keep a log everyday. I’m tracking on a scale from one to five; one being lowest or worst and five being highest or best. I track where I’m at for the day with the RA, agitation, sex-drive, hours slept, napping hours, mental energy and anxiety. I have an appointment mid May to see a therapist and I want to bring as much about me as I can to get the best help possible. Plus, this information can help me better understand myself. It’s been nearly four weeks on the medication and it’s helping, I’m grateful!

This entry was posted in abuse, addiction, alcohol, alcoholism, child abuse, childabuse, college, dad, death, forgivness, happy, hope, ife, Laugh, life, loss, love, sadness, sexual abuse, spirituality, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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