I’m three years sober today. This morning was the first day in a while that I felt pure joy. I called those close to me and thanked them, I celebrated. I feel proud that I made it this far. When I was working the AA program, I was told that it can take a year and a half for liquor to fully get out of your system and three years of sobriety is when you can think clearly. I am here. I am listening. I am close to my God.
I was made to drink by my step father for five years from the age of 7 to 12. My first “adult drunk” was 16. I started drinking alcoholically when I was 21. I drank hard until I was 28. I learned quickly in AA and ran with it. I saw the possibilities in sobriety but knew it was going to be hard. Three years ago last night I tried to kill myself with Xanax and tequila. I survived and detoxed in my grandparents basement, embracing AA with everything I had. I stayed completely clean for 9 months; started smoking weed. That’s my story. I am sober and proud I have made it this far. One day at a time.
On my one year of sobriety I got a tattoo, “DO NOT FEAR”. I am proud of my tattoo, it’s a daily affirmation. Will I regret it someday? I hope not. It’s my one year chip. I didn’t want to wear the coin around my neck all the time. Not everyone needs to know I am in recovery. It’s personal and I share it with those it may help. I try to just be an example. My tattoo has helped me. It has also been an aid in changing others views on the idea. A tattoo can have meaning, mine does. My good friend did it, a true artist, my sweet Phin. I chose “DO NOT FEAR” for many reasons. All the good leaders spoke of not being afraid. Fear separates us from love. Fear is blinding. Fear leads to a mental break down. I also didn’t think I was going to survive a year of not drinking and I always wanted a tattoo. The first year of sobriety I thought about what it was that drinking did for me and it was cover up the fear. I drank out of fear.
Three years is a long time without a drink.
I wanted to drink recently but I didn’t. I am still an alcoholic and live with that daily but everyday it gets less intense. I am strong. I was given a lot of good tools in life to cope.
I may go to a meeting to pic up a three year chip, we shall see. I am celebrating with a lovely meal and my Golden Gal.
“If I can be an example of getting sober, then I can be an example of starting over.”